World of Wraar

2012

2012-01-02T12:22:00.002-05:00

So, that goal of writing in this last year did not work out so much. Rather pathetic actually. I think this year's goal will be to at least get the vacations documented on here. That is a more reasonable goal, I think. So, I shall do that. So far, we have 2 planned. First is Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. We had airline miles on US Airways to use, so we picked a place that would fit in the number of points we had. Thinking it will be a pretty relaxing vacation. Staying at an all-inclusive, have almost nothing planned. We'll just see how it goes. Second trip is Disney with some of flarf's family. The neices are going for the first time. We decided to go along for part of the trip (not staying the whole week). Should be fun. Not sure after that.

In 2011, we did Kenya in January (didn't quite finish the posts about that - will have to do that soon). Then we went to New Orleans with flarf's parents at the end of April for a 4 day weekend. Fun trip. Will happily go back. Stayed at the Bourbon Orleans Hotel (did a travelocity secret hotel and ended up with that - worked out well.) Hotel was nice and in a great location. Listened to some music, ate some oysters, did a swamp tour, ate more oysters, wandered the French Quarter, ate more oysters, listened to more music, ate beignets, ate po boys, ate more oysters. (needed some serious workouts when we came home, but completely worth it.)

In August, we went on a cruise from NYC to St. John and Halifax on the Carnival Glory. That was a relaxing trip and super easy since it left from NYC. We spent the weekend before in the city since the ship left on a Monday. Splurged on a balcony cabin. Worth it. Carnival has a less formal dress code now which made packing easier - only one set of nice clothes. St. John was rainy and cold, but a cute little town. Halifax was great. Would consider just going there for vacation.

In September, we went to Orlando to go to Universal Studios/Islands of Adventure - Harry Potter world! (Southwest had a big sale, so it seemed silly NOT to take advantage). We stayed on property at the Pacific Beach Hotel. Of the 3, that is the shortest walk to Islands and City Walk, so that was nice. Hotel was decent. They have a luau there which we did one night. Not quite like being in Hawaii, but a decent experience. Met some nice British people and a Universal exec at our table. Had a good time at Harry Potter World. They did a nice job with the theming. And there is a pub. So that always makes it better. Learned neither one of us can do rides like we used to. The new ride in Hogwarts made us both REALLY sick (and thankful for the pub as a cool place to relax and fix the tummy). (The Hogshead Brew is a decent beer. I find the butterbeer to be gross, but most people like it. Pumpkin juice was good though.) It's worth just walking through the castle though - if you tell the line people you just want to do that, there is a separate line to go in. I remember going on dueling dragons a dozen times in a row when we were there 8 or 9 years ago. Twice appears to be my limit now. (They also don't duel any longer (stupid people throwing stuff ruin it for everyone) and are themed after Book 4 - the Dragon Challenge.) The nice thing about staying on property is your room key is a fast pass for almost all the rides (not the Harry Potter ride). We barely waited 10 minutes for anything, so did the park very quickly even with sitting down for long relaxing lunches. Universal has a new coaster where you can choose music to play in your seat as you ride. We went a few times. Was fun. Glad we went on the Jaws ride one last time since they are taking it down this year. The Simpsons ride was the death of me for a few hours (used to be Back to the Future) - my head and stomach can no longer handle those types of rides, I guess. A good trip.

Other events - worked on a movie in October. Took one day off of work for filming (had a small part). Was a fun experience. Flarf broke his wrist playing football on Thanksgiving. Cast should come off soon, we hope. Nice Christmas season, though too short as always. Low key New Year's Eve because we've been so busy and have more stuff coming up soon. Also managed to get one more book in there - Familyhood by Paul Reiser.

Happy New Year to all.

More books this year!

2011-11-02T20:12:00.002-05:00

Sooooooo...I guess this year's plan to write in this regularly is very much busted. However, it appears I have repeated my resolution from last year already and managed to read 20 books. Maybe that should just be my goal every year. Admittedly 7 of these were re-reads, but I still read them, so it counts. Additionally, I'm well-aware that these are not terribly intellectual books, but I get stressed and cranky with work and cheesy books make me happy. Therefore, I shall read them. :-) I have been on a vacation-related kick since mid-summer, due to going on a cruise and a trip to Universal Orlando as well as planning a trip to Disney for later this year. This year's list so far:

1-7: re-read all the Harry Potter books before our trip to Harry Potter world.
8. Bad Day at the Amusement Park by DaleBrumfield
9. Cast Member Confidential by Chris Mitchell
10. Cruise Confidential: A Hit Below the Waterline by Brian David Bruns
11. Cruise Ship S.O.S: The Life-Saving Adventures of a Doctor at Sea by Ben McFarland
12. The Dark Side of Disney by Leonard Kinsey
13. In Fifty Years Will All Be Chicks by Adam Carolla
14. Mouseschawitz – My Summer Job of Concentrated Fun by Angela Lovell
15. Mousetrapped: A Year and a Bit in Orlando, Florida by Catherine Ryan
16. Permanent Passenger: My Life on a Cruise Ship by Micha Berman
17. Ship for Brains: Cruise Confidential Book 2 by Brian David Bruns
18. Spinning Disney’s World: Memories of a Magic Kingdom Press Agent by Charles Ridgeway
19. Stories from a Theme Park Insider by Robert Niles
20. The Truth About Cruise Ships by Jay Herring
21. Stupid American History by Leland Gregory
22. Bossypants by Tina Fey

Honeymoon part II

2011-10-24T20:33:00.002-05:00

Big Island

2.5 days. Rental car – upgrade to a Mustang Convertible. Convertible is a very fun thing to have in Hawaii, especially on the Big Island where you have to drive very far.

Hotel: Sheraton Keauhou Bay. Free upgrade to ocean view room. Good location (in Kona – the hotels in Kohala are much pricier and further away from stuff you will likely want to do, though it does rain every afternoon in Kona.) Hotel has a big waterslide and a few interconnected pools, which is nice because you can’t swim in the ocean there (it is on lava rocks and has no beach, but the rocks are pretty). The best part about the hotel is that at night there are giant manta rays that gather there. You can watch them from the bar.

First day: We arrived pretty early (8 AM flight out of Kauai – glad our hotel was only 15 minutes from the airport…) The airport in Kona is interesting – no inside terminal, just a bunch of thatched roof hut type things. You have to walk down the stairs to get off the plane as there is no jetway. We stopped in Kona town on our way to the hotel and found a street festival. Scott got some CDs out of it. Saw a few sights in town (the palace, etc.) Had lunch at Rosa’s Cantina (more poke of course!) and then a stop at Walmart for supplies. Dinner was just mai tais and a bunch of appetizers in the hotel bar because it was such a comfy place and we were content to not drive more.

Next day: Volcano day! Breakfast at the Aloha Theater Café. Apparently they used to have a back porch where geckos would run around as you ate, but they were renovating when we were there. Good food and coffee either way. After that, we stopped at Greenwell coffee farm for a short tour. It was fun and doesn’t take very long. We bought some coffee to take home. We attempted to drive to South Point (the southernmost point in the US), but the road was closed a couple miles up, so it was kind of a wasted detour, but oh well. Stopped at Punalu’u bakery to use the restroom and buy taro sweetbread roles (when doing the volcano from the Kona Coast, this is highly recommended – it will be a long day. You will want snacks in the car). After that, Punalu’u black sand beach. Very cool place to walk around for a few. Saw a giant turtle on the rocks. After that, Volcano Winery. Neat place, though not exactly the world’s best wine. Some of the fruit wines are interesting. We bought a guava one. Then to Volcanos Park. Part of Crater Rim Drive was closed when we were there, so we went to the museum, saw the crater, saw the steam vents and then turned around to go back to Thurston Lava Tube and the rainforest. After that it was down Chain of Craters Drive to the end. (Lava versus road – lava wins. You can see where the lava just ate the road and stopped). You have to park your car pretty far from the lava and walk along a very windy stretch of road, but it was worth it. We spent a long time hiking on the lava rocks. On the way back, we saw the sea arches and the Petroglyph trail (this is a longer walk from the car than you expect, but worth doing.) When we were there, the lava wasn’t flowing a ton and to see it was a LONG drive down Highway 230 (the opposite direction from back to our hotel) and then about a mile walk. It was a bit disappointing (the lava was very far viewing area and not a strong flow), but we’re glad we did it because we would have wondered if we didn’t go. (Bring a flashlight for the walk.) On the way back, we stopped back in the park to see the crater at night. That was worth it. Very pretty – bright red steam. It was after 10 when we finally got back to the hotel. We were very glad we had the bag of rolls in the car.

Next day: We decided to book a snorkel trip on the Hula Kai with Fair Winds (Hula Kai is the smaller and faster of their 2 boats). I looked into Sea Paradise as well, but that company had the boat in dry dock at the time, so Fair Winds it was. It was a good experience. I’m kinda scared of deep water (I can swim enough to not die, but not well enough to actually have fun while doing it). The captain saw that I was terrified and helped me make sure my snorkel was on right, that I had the right amount of defogging goop on my glasses and most importantly hooked me up with a floating belt and a noodle. Not having to focus on the swimming part made all the difference in the world. The first snorkel stop was Coral Gardens. It is gorgeous. So colorful. The second stop was Rob’s Reef further south. Not quite as colorful as Coral Gardens, but still really pretty and the fish seemed to be bigger and more plentiful. Breakfast and lunch is included on the boat. Bring a big towel to sit under. When the boat gets going, it gets COLD. I wish I had brought a windbreaker. On the way back, the boat stops at a few places like the Captain Cook monument and a few other palces. We got to see a bunch of spinner dolphins (very cool) and a few flying fish. After that trip, we went back to the hotel to swim. As I was in fear conquering mode, I actually went on the waterslide several times. We went into Kona town for dinner at Bongo Ben’s. Decent food, good portions and cheap prices. Also a band playing. We had tried to go to Kona Brewing Company and Dan the Beachcomber, but they were closed (one risk of going during the slower and less crowded season). We walked around Kona and shopped a bit. Stopped to the Donkey Balls outlet store. Buy them. Just do it. On the way back to the hotel, we stopped at the Outrigger Hotel to have a drink at the bar over the water where you can watch fish (and sometimes turtles). Then back to our hotel to watch the manta rays. If I went back, I would probably do the nighttime snorkel with the rays. It looked really cool.

Next day: We had some fruit from town left over and some local banana bread (which you should buy everywhere you can in Hawaii), so we ate that for breakfast. We had some time before our flight so we drove up the Kohala coast to see the fancy resorts. Then we flew to Maui.

Maui
5.5 days. Rental car: Mustang Convertible. Worth it.
Hotel: Kaanapali Beach Hotel (keeping with Rodgers tradition). Great place. Really nice people. There was a problem with our reservation (never quite figured it out but it looked like the travel agent accidentally cancelled it), but the front desk people couldn’t have been nicer about getting it all worked out. We ended up having to spend the first night in the older crappier building, but then were moved (they moved all our stuff for us) to an ocean view room in one of the nicer buildings. You get a Kukui nut necklace (a good one) when you check out (there is a whole ceremony) and each time you stay there, they replace a brown nut with a white one to show how much a part of the family you are. There is a band every night and the hotel is right on Kaanapali Beach, which I think is probably the best location on the island. One of the best snorkel spots is just down the beach and a bunch of good restaurants are a short walk down the beach in the other direction. It’s also a very short drive from Lahaina.

First day: Walmart stop for supplies (including lots of seaweed crackers, my snack of choice on this trip), of course. I spent $4 on a noodle for snorkeling. Best investment ever. After the craziness of reservation issue, we went for a walk down to the Whaler’s Village shopping center and had dinner at the Hula Grill (inside). Chef’s tasting menu. Food is very good there and the mai tais are second only to Duke’s. (owned by the same company). Back at the hotel we ordered drinks and watched the evening hula show. The mai tais at the hotel were pretty awful unfortunately. We didn’t get them there again, especially since Hula Grill was only a short walk away.

Next day: Road to Hana day! This is the portion of the trip when the Revealed book is almost necessary. Plan on the whole day. And try to get up early to beat the crowds. We stopped at the Shell station for gas, drinks for the day and sandwiches for breakfast so we wouldn’t have to slow down. I recommend reading the book ahead of time and marking places you MUST go and places you’d like to stop if there is time. Then plan accordingly. Don’t just stop at every place in the beginning because you will run out of time. It doesn’t sound far, but the road is very curvy and full of one lane bridges, so you will be going very slow (even slower if you start too late and get in the crush of traffic. Our stops included:
- Twin Falls. There is a fruit stand. Get bananas.
- Lower Puohokamoa Falls (short walk)
- Haipulaena falls. (short walk)
- (make sure to stop at the places with bathrooms. There are enough, but not an overabundance, so use them when you see them)
- Punalau Falls (not the actual name – it doesn’t have one). This was a 20 minute hike up a streambed on slippery boulders (it was raining at the time). The waterfall was not really flowing when we got there, unfortunately. This one is not recommended for everybody.
- Kaeanae Peninsula – nice place to stop and relax for a few at lava rocks in the ocea. Go to the banana bread stand there. Do NOT skip that. Best banana bread on the trip.
- Chings Pond (short trail next to the road)
- Halfway to Hana – stand to buy more banana bread (do it) and coconut candy.
- Stop at the spring fed gusher under the bridge (in the book). Only takes minute to just get out and look over bridge to see it so no wasted time.
- Wailua Valley State Wayside – nice view of taro fields from the top of the stairs
- Upper Waikani Falls (Three Bears falls). Right next to side of the road, so easy to see.
- Unnamed waterfall – this one was so worth it. It is in the book as a waterfall that requires a 10+ minute hike up a hunters road (Wailua Iki). It’s not too bad of a hike. If you are lucky, you will have the place to yourselves for at least a little while (this one is only visited by people who seem to have that book rather than the hordes, so it is pretty private). We saw only 4 other people, but were by ourselves for a bit. There is a big pool and a waterfall. Scott swam all the way out to it. I went in to my waist. That was enough. Pretty views there too.
- Pua’a state park – a potty stop with 2 small, but pretty waterfalls.
- Hanawi Falls. By the road, so easy stop
- Makapipi Fallls – interest view from above on the bridge
- Nahiku Road – a long winding drive through lots of green. Nice view of the water at the end
- Nahiku Marketplace. Good place to stop for lunch. I recommend the fish tacos (Flarf recommends the Kalua pork tacos), Also mango banana bread.
- Waianapana Park – black sand beach, lava tube cave, blowhole. Nice place to hang out for a view. Also a potty stop
- Hana – cute little town. Stopped at the black sand beach
- Red Sand Beach. Neat place. A hell of a hike to get there. Not for everyone. Walk through an unmarked field, down a trail, down another steeper trail holding on to a rope, over a bunch of docks, up a slope, and along a narrow trail on the side of a cliff. Pretty though.
- Kuki Beach, Hamua Beach
- Wailua Falls. Very pretty. Right next to the road.
- Pua’a-lu’u Falls
- Oheo Gulch (aka Seven Sacred Pools). Very pretty, but very crowded with people as this is one of the “can’t miss” places in ALL the books. Worth going for a swim.
- Many people turn around here and drive back the same way. That is what the rental car places tell you to do. We did not. After that, the road gets really narrow and curvy, so be very careful. It eventually opens up. We saw an unnamed black sand beach, Polowai Sea Arch, lot of cows, a rainbow, Tedeschi Winery (didn’t get to stop, already closed for the day), an interesting view of Haleakala and a high school football game (didn’t stop. :-)
- (We did miss some things; there’s just not enough time to see everything in one day. But, you can see a lot).
We managed to make it back to the hotel around 9, so we were able to go to a late dinner at the Hula Grill Barefoot Bar. Love that place – the tables are in the sand, so you can eat with the beach in your toes. Mai tais with sand under your feet = a good thing.

Next day: Started with snorkeling at Black Rock, just down the beach (in front of the Sheraton). Nice place to just walk out and snorkel. Then we went shopping/exploring in Lahaina. Saw the Banyan tree, old prison and a few famous houses, etc. Did some souvenir shopping at Hilo Hattie, Whallers General Store and ABC. We recommend. Parking in the shopping center with Hilo Hattie if you know you may buy anything there – they validate. Otherwise, it is kinda tough to find parking in Lahaina. Lunch at Aloha Mixed Plate. You have to have a plate lunch at least once in Hawaii. This is a good place to do it. Back in Kaanapali, we walked down the beach to see the other hotels. The Hyatt has penguins. They are adorable. That night we did the Old Lahaina Luau. It is known as the most Hawaiian luau in the islands. The food is really good and the dances are nice. The setting is very pretty too, so get there when it opens to get your mai tai and walk around. We bought a wood carving from the carver there. He’ll put your initials on it and if you don’t have the money with you, you can leave it at your hotel front desk for them and they will pick it up later. If you tell them it is a special occasion when you book (book before you go – it fills up), they will reserve your seats at a better table. Honeymoons and anniversaries seem to get the best tables. If you are expecting fire dancers, however, don’t – they are not Hawaiian, so not “authentic” enough for this luau. Many other luaus around will have them though if that is your thing.

Next day: Flyin’ Hawaiian Zipline. It’s an interesting place. They are a very ecofriendly place, so the course was built with helicopter flying in the materials, so there would be no cars up on the mountain. They also plant a hibiscus plant on every tour to try to repopulate it as it is on the endangered species list. This means you do have to do a little hiking – only a few minutes at a time, but you do have to carry your equipment, which is about 10 pounds or so. The harnesses are really comfortable – like a backpack that turns into a chair, so unlike many other ziplines that are just the butt/legs harness, this is really kind on your back. The first line is 2400 feet. This course is the longest in Hawaii and one of the longest in the world. The longest line in the course is 3600 feet. Unfortunately, our tour had to be stopped halfway through because the wind was too strong (they can’t let you zip if the winds are too strong because it is dangerous). So, the whole eco thing comes into play again if this happens – you have to walk all the way down the mountain because they can’t drive up and get you. But, it wasn’t too tough of a walk and it was a little neat to be somewhere that no everyone goes. Plus, when you do get to the trail, you take a long ATV ride back to the actual pickup area – bonus activity! (It’s hard not to be glass half full in Hawaii…) They were also really cool about the cancellation. You can either re-schedule or they will refund your entire fee (which is great because it is not cheap. We attempted to reschedule for the 2 days later, but they cancelled again because of wind, so we got all our money back (so we ended up being able to do half the course for free; not bad at all). ). Since we ended up with more time than planned after the trip down, we went back to Lahaina for more shopping (if you are island hopping, save your souvenir/present shopping (unless there is something super unique like the wine or coffee we bought) until the last island to make your life easier.). Lunch at Lahaina Fish Market (not our favorite). Then we spent a bunch of time on the beach in Kaanapali, then dinner at Lelani in Whaler’s Village (decent, but Hula Grill is better). Then another evening of hula and music at our hotel.

The next day: We had intended to have a beach/snorkel day, but my body had other ideas and I got REALLY sick. We made one failed trip to the beach that resulted in me crawling back to the room (literally on my hands and knees because I got dizzy if I stood up.) Flarf spent the day shopping and wandering Kaanapali. I eventually made it upright enough to go to dinner at the hotel’s main restaurant – Tiki Terrace. I think the food was decent. I mostly just ate rice. So, I have no good advice for anyone from this day except Flarf did not care for the pizza place in Whaler’s Village.

Next day: (or middle of the night). Up at 1:30 for our Haleakala sunrise tour. We opted to do much on our own in Hawaii and not tours, but neither of us wanted to drive up a mountain in the dark at 4 AM, so we chose to do a tour for this one. I was still feeling not awesome, so sleeping on the bus was good. Well, it would have been if our driver had shut the heck up. He was talking about sites we couldn’t see because it was 3 AM and dark. If you drive yourself, you can get up later, but because they pick up at a lot of hotels (and in our case wait in a convenience store parking lot for a cruise ship group for a bit), you have to start earlier. We went with Ehaki tours. My advice for Haleakala – wear as much clothing as you can (make sure you have a windbreaker with you to put on top). (I wore a t-shirt, a summer sweater, a sweatshirt and a windbreaker (3 hoods total!), tights, jeans, socks and sneakers.) And bring a blanket from your hotel room. You will be cold. Very very cold. With the wind chill (wind was apparently even crazier than normal that day), it was about 22F. Feels even colder when you’ve been used to 80-85 for 2 weeks. Despite the tired and the cold, it is so worth going here. The colors are beautiful before the sunrise and then all of a sudden the sun pops up through the clouds. After sunrise, they take you to a few more lookout stops to see things like the Big Island volcanoes, Science City, magnetic hill and the silversword plant. Then breakfast at Café O’Lei. We weren’t terribly impressed with it. Since the zipline was cancelled, we ended up going snorkeling at Black Rock, which worked out great because 3 giant turtles swam with us that day. Black Rock is known for turtles. Just make sure you don’t go to them (let them come to you) or try to touch them – illegal. Love the noodle. Late lunch at Barefoot Bar at Hula Grill. We then drove further up the west coast to see a few more sights. Then to Lahaina for last minute shopping. Unfortunately, it then became Flarf's turn to get sick, so he spent the rest of the day in bed and I read a book on the lanai. We did manage to go see one last sunset.

Last day: Goodbye ceremony at Kaanapali Beach Hotel. As mentioned above, you get the Kukui nut necklace. Then we walked around the beach and grounds for a bit and then ate breakfast on our lanai. And then the long long journey home.

Hawaii honeymoon, part 1

2011-10-09T14:38:00.002-05:00

It kind of took forever to get here, but I finally wrote up what we did on our honeymoon in May 2010. It was done in part to share with some relatives planning a trip there and looking for advice, but since it is now done, seems like a good idea to share. Will be posted in 2 parts. We went to 4 islands: Oahu, Kauai, Big Island and Maui. Part 1 is Oahu and Kauai

Our general advice for Hawaii:
- Buy the Revealed books. Totally worth it.
- Do NOT overpack. Almost every place is completely casual. (less so in Waikiki if you want super fancy dinner). We washed undies and t-shirts in the sinks at the hotels and did fine. Plus, there’s Walmart conveniently located on each island (maybe not Oahu if you don’t have a car) in case you are desperate.
- If traveling from the east coast, book early morning stuff for days you first get there and days right before you leave (while you’re still on East Coast time or trying to get back on it).

Oahu
There for 2.5 days. Stayed at the Pacific Beach Hotel. (almost all hotels are in Waikiki unless you can afford Turtle Bay on the North Shore.) Hotel location was quite good. I’d say greater than 50% staying there was Japanese. Views were good. I believe we were in an ocean view room on the top floor (free honeymoon upgrade). Nice park nearby. Beach across the street. Breakfast included (this was the only hotel with that.) We did not rent a car on Oahu. We had one on every other island.

We did the Discover Hidden Hawaii circle island tour. We booked the Pearl Harbor and North Shore tour, but when given the option to continue on with the circle island rather than head back to Waikiki, we stayed with the circle group to see the rest, which was worth it. You get picked up VERY early (before 7) and dropped off around 5 (3 I think for the north shore one). Pearl Harbor is first. On this tour, there is enough time to see the Arizona and walk around the grounds. You do not have time to do the Bowfin or the Missouri. There’s a brief stop at the Dole Plantation (think giant tourist store with yummy ice cream and a few cool things on the grounds). Get the dole whip and (some fresh pineapple for later) FIRST and then walk around. Then it goes up to the north shore and stops at several beaches and Laie Point. You go past the Kualoa Ranch (more on that below). Stop at Tropical Farms (coffee and macadamia nuts. Buy them. They are good.). Lunch at some country club. Nothing special food-wise, but view is nice. Stops at a bunch of other places including Pali lookout and Halona Blowhole. It was a nice way to see a lot of stuff in a short period of time without having a car. We liked our tour guide, which helps. If we went back to Oahu, we might rent a car, at least for a day, to explore on our own.

The next day we did the KOS Hummer tour at Kualoa Ranch. Many movies were (are) filmed there as well as Lost. The tour shows you where a bunch of Lost stuff was filmed and the guide will help you recreate scenes for goofy photos. Other things filmed there – Jurassic Park, 50 First Dates, Tears of the Sun, You Me & Dupress, Godzilla, Aztec Rex, Mighty Joe Young. Tour was 5 hours. Also picks you up early (I think there is a PM tour as well and they have longer and shorter tours). Not really an issue because you’re still on east coast time and wide awake with the sun. We had a lot of fun on this tour. The ranch is gorgeous. And we only had one other couple with us (you can only fit so many people in a Hummer.) It was really amusing to see how many different things are filmed in a smallish area. You’ll be able to easily pick out things filmed at the ranch in the future if you do this. The ranch itself also has a bunch of different tours you can book if movies and tv don’t interest you – ATVs, horseback riding, etc.

Beach at Waikiki – smaller than we expected (narrow), but not quite as crowded as expected. (Though we were there in May, which I guess is a low season). Spent some time there on day 2 and the morning we left.

Restaurants and bars:
Duke’s – best Mai Tais in Hawaii. Live music early in the evenings. Really good poke. (I ate poke as much as possible in Hawaii.) We went there multiple times.
Margaritaville – touristy, yes, but we were looking for a quick lunch and fruity beverage. Poke was okay, not great. Pieces were too big and too much soy sauce.
Barefoot Bar at Hale Koa – met a friend for drinks there. Terrible Mai Tais. Terrible.

Kauai
2.5 days. Had a rental car this time - Toyota Corrola.

Hotel: Aston Kauai Beach at Makaiwa (Coconut Coast). Ocean front room (free honeymoon upgrade). Great place to watch the sunrise (which we did the day Charlie was born since we were already up). One con – can’t swim in the water on most of the beaches in this area (waves too big). Pro – hotels are much cheaper in this area and it’s also in the middle so neither the north nor the south is crazy far. Also near the airport which is convenient for an early flight out (which we had – 8 or something like that). Good Mai Tais at the hotel bar.

Arrival day: Stop at Walmart for supplies (on the way from the airport). (Walmart will be your friend on vacation in Hawaii, as will ABC stores.) Lunch at Fish Hut at the Coconut Marketplace (near our hotel). Okay. Decent shave ice. Near our hotel. Drove up to north shore to look around. Went to Secret Beach/Secret Lava Pools. Awesome. Go there. As long as you don’t mind hiking down a hill and parking at the end of a street that looks like just someone’s house. Great beach and really cool rocks to walk along to see the pools. Very not crowded. Dinner at Hukilau Lanai, near our hotel. Decent food, though slightly pricier than some other places we went.

Next day – Up super early because we got a text that our niece was born. So, we stayed up to watch the sunrise on the balcony. Breakfast at Harbor Mall (Market Street Diner). Then Blue Hawaiian helicopter ride. I am very afraid of helicopters. But it was worth the fear. There are many parts of the island you can’t see except in a helicopter. It’s about an hour. Napali coast is beautiful. And seeing Waimea Canyon from above is neat. After helicopter, we drove to Poipu Beach and had lunch at Puka Dog. Do that even if you are not a meat eater (I ate the veggies dogs. They are good.) After lunch, we continued the drive west. Spouting Horn (blowhole) – neat. Then to Waimea Canyon. We drove all the way up to the end of the road (it gets a little rough for the last few miles because the road is full of potholes). The canyon is awesome. It’s red and green. On the way back down, we went to Jo Jo’s Shave Ice. Highly recommended. Looks like a run-down shack, but it is very well known and very good. Get the tropical rainbow with macadamia nut ice cream. Then we stopped at Russian Fort and the mouth of the Waimea River. The Corolla made it, but just barely. Be careful driving there. After a little shopping at Hilo Hattie’s. we went up north to see the taro fields and Hanalai Bay. After sunset, we headed back toward the hotel. Dinner at Verde, a small burrito place. Decent.

Next day – Up at sunrise again to go for a walk. (enjoying the mornings are easy when your body is stuck on east coast time). Then we drove down to the south shore. First we went to Poipu Beach state park to go snorkeling. We brought our own snorkels and fins from home (I’m a crummy swimmer, so we bought them to practice in the in-law's pool the summer before), but you can rent snorkels lots of places. I believe Snorkel Bob’s is the most recommended because they are good and have lots of locations all over the islands so you can rent at one and return at another. Snorkeling at Poipu is easy – you only have to walk out about 20 feet and put your face down. Plenty to see in very shallow water. The only problem – because the water is so shallow for so far there, it’s tough not to hit your knees on rocks. A flotation device (noodle) would be helpful. They sell them at Walmart in Hawaii (see Maui below). Lunch at Puka dog again. Then to Sheraton Beach to go swimming. Nice place to hang out and swim. If it is crowded, parking might be annoying, but we only parked about a block or so away from beach access. Poipu state park has a parking lot. After that, we drove back up the coast and went to the Wailua Falls (aka the Fantasy Island waterfall). That night we went to Duke’s for dinner at the Barefoot Bar. The one in Kauai is good, but we liked the food and drinks a little better at the Waikiki one. Hula pie is a good idea, but share it.

Next time: Big Island and Maui

Trip to Kenya, part 2

2011-06-06T20:25:00.001-05:00

So, clearly that whole resolution to write in the blog every week is not gonna happen. Oh well. Maybe next year. I did at least manage to keep up with a paper journal so far this year, so there’s that I guess.

Let’s finish up that whole Kenya vacation thing.

We moved on to our safari in the Masaai Mara next. We went with Oltome Mara Magic. The price was one of the lowest for a mid-range tented camp safari, so we went with it. It ended up being a good experience. We were group with 2 guys – both from California, I think. One was a theology student in Nairobi and the other was his friend, a reverend or something, visiting. They were pretty nice guys. Almost every conversation they had with each other was about something to do with religion, but they didn’t insist on talking to us about religion at all, which was nice.
The drive from Nairobi to Narok was such a change from the last time I went on safari in the Masaai Mara (again in 1999). The highway is quite nice now and several hours are shaved off the trip. Included is the obligatory stop at one of the overlook areas along the Rift Valley with the gift shops. Didn’t mind though, because Mama Lucy packed us a big bottle of homemade passion fruit juice and it was very much time for a potty stop. The last bit of road after Narok (about 70km) is still seriously crappy though. That part took 1.5-2 hours. Bounce bounce bounce bounce, dust dust dust dust. Unfortunately, Scott had come down with a nasty cold (poor guy always manages to pick something up on airplanes), so he was struggling for a good portion of the safari. He’s a trooper though and still managed to have fun.

Camp was nice. Small – only 7 or 8 tents. We were the only 4 people there. Our tent was nice – big bed, decent bathroom, desk, table and chairs, lounge chair, porch with more chairs. Electricity and hot water only for a few hours a day in the morning and evening, but that’s all you need to recharge cameras and shower. Big difference from the last safari – regular tents with sleeping bags, pit toilets across the camp. A bit of a step up. Dinner in the main house. Also a bar there. A little weird with multiple people serving just 4 of us, but they were very nice.
On our first game drive, we watched a cheetah kill and impala for dinner. Kinda cool. Kinda creepy. We managed to get it on video.

The next day involved a drive all the way across the reserve to the Mara River for a picnic lunch by the hippos and crocodiles. Lots of lions, giraffes and elephants. Lots of baby lions. Beautiful day as well. (lots of other animals as well, of course). The one disappointment – despite looking for quite some time, our guide was unable to find a leopard. Thus, in 3 trips to Kenya, I have not seen a leopard in the wild.

We had one final game drive the next morning before breakfast. Very pretty sunrise. Not a whole lot of animals, but still worth going. Unfortunately, it was then my turn to get sick. Upset stomach and chills for the whole day, including the ride back. I blame it entirely on myself. I know better than to eat salad in Africa, but I was tired and hungry the day before and forgot to remind myself. I shall not be forgetting again.

We got back to Mama Lucy’s house in the mid-afternoon and repacked for the next adventure.

Trip to Kenya, part 1

2011-02-08T21:55:00.000-05:00

So, I guess I’m getting a little bit of a late start for this year’s goal. One week behind. Well, we’ll just move on.

Last month, Scott and I went to Kenya. It was my first trip there in almost 10 years. The last time I was there was in May-June 2001 as my college graduation present. (The first trip was my semester there in Fall 1999). It was fantastic to see everyone again.

Nairobi is noisier, dirtier and more crowded than it was 10 years ago. We stayed with Mama Lucy, my host mom from 1999 in Olympic Estate in Kibera. I would have no idea how to get to Swahili school as the road we used to take is now FULL of kiosks and shops and nothing looks familiar past the first few dozen feet.

Olympic Estate itself is different. It took a beating after the 2007 election. The house on the corner where my friends lived burned down. Not that you can see because there is now an uninterrupted line of kiosks all down the main street. I guess most of the kiosks were destroyed and when it calmed down, they came back in full force. The matatus still stop at the corner on the main street, but now the buses do too. Mama Lucy mocked me for going to get the bus in the wrong direction, but I was walking to where they used to be! I even have a map in my notes from my semester there that proves I’m not crazy.

Riding in a matatu is a different experience. In 1999 and 2001, it was “there’s always room for one more” and you sat there until they crammed the vehicle completely full before it left. This was my first trip back since the new laws were put in place. One butt per seat. Such luxury! The KBS buses are different too. Smaller, all seats, no standing in the doorway, hanging on for dear life. Again, luxury! Now there’s another line of buses too – Citi Hoppa. Only took that company’s bus once I think. Was fine. Not really much different, except I think they don’t have the little machines that the KBS guys do, if I remember correctly.

As usual, Mama Lucy is the best. She bought us welcome flowers and had the room all ready for us. The same room I stayed in when I was there the first time. And second. Used to share with Betty. Then Michelle. Then Jurgen. Now there’s a bunk bed and a regular bed so room for 3. New fancy shower system for upstairs too. And new paint. And couches. And bathroom tiles. Her house looks very nice. And she was nothing but a great host. Love her. Her house still has the banana trees out front. Gotta love it.

On our first full day in Nairobi, we went downtown and walked around. Went to the memorial garden (the site of the former US embassy that was bombed in 1998). The funky building next door is now a functioning building again. I guess the structure was usable after the bombing so it was gutting and is now shiny and new. I remember that building being really creepy the first time we were there. We walked all around downtown, including out to the National Theatre so I could show Scott where I took drumming lesson with Julius. I think he lives in Norway now. Wish I had tried a little harder to keep in touch.

We went to City Market to do some preliminary shopping for souvenirs for the family back home. I forgot how exhausting souvenir shopping in Nairobi can be. Though it was nothing compared to the Masai Market the next week.

We had lunch at some random place downtown. Stopped at an Uchumi to get some water. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that diet coke can now be purchased in most of the grocery stores in Nairobi. It’s the little things. I remember that being such a rare luxury in 1999, so I was amused that it was easily available. After walking around downtown, we headed back home to hang out with Lucy and Jeff for the evening and get ready for our Masai Mara safari the next day.

Next time…animals!

Mission Accomplished

2010-12-27T15:39:00.002-05:00

Goal has been reached: 20 books read this year.
20. The Cat Behavior Answer Book

Next year's goal: minimum of one blog post per week. Will start with this goal in February due to vacation plans.

In other news, good Christmas this year, though busy. We didn't really get to do too much celebrating before Christmas weekend, other than putting up the tree and watching a few movies (less than last year though). Nice Christmas Eve dinner at the in-laws. A few stops on Christmas day, including my mom and the in-laws again for dinner. We were the only ones there for dinner this year, so it was pretty quiet, but nice. Day after brunch at my dad's. Again nice time. Can't believe my cousin is 15 now. Crazy. Took the Monday after (today) off, so we'd have one day to just hang out. Good choice as we got a bunch of snow last night that we had to deal with this morning. Was nice to not have to deal with it at 6AM.

Almost there...

2010-12-13T20:28:00.002-05:00

18. At Home, A Short History of Private Life by Bill Bryson
19. I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas by Lewis Black

One more to go!

On the vacation front, we've gotten some of the shots and sent out the visa applications. Safari has been booked, just waiting for a confirmation from the company that they got the deposit. Thinking we may wait to rent a car until we're there. Hopefully that will work out.

Attempting to find time to enjoy the holiday season and not work too many extra hours over the next few weeks. Priorities!

Also trying to figure out next year's "resolution." Maybe something to do with writing since this year was reading. Still have a few weeks for that one.

One more down!

2010-11-20T13:48:00.002-05:00

16. Prisoner of Trebekistan, by Bob Harris
17. (The Dilbert Principle) - I realized I never counted this earlier in the list. Silly girl.

So, I now have only 3 more to go in a little over a month. I'm on it!!

In other news, play is over. Went pretty well. The usual community theatre wackiness. But, made some great new friends and had fun.

After the second night of the show, I had my first ever migraine. That was very NOT fun. I do not wish to do that again any time soon. I also managed to cause a nasty neck strain from that (according to the nice doctor lady) - lasted over a week and I could barely move my head at all for about 4 days. Good times. But, am better now, so all is good.

Plane tickets have been purchased - Flarf and I are going to Kenya in January. I haven't been there since 2001. Can't wait to go. Now it's time to make sure all my vaccines are up to date, get Flarf all the fun new ones he needs and think about packing and get visas. Projects, but fun ones. I do love a fun project.

New plans!

2010-10-24T12:19:00.003-05:00

Am very excited that Scott and I have finally decided we're able to take a trip to Kenya. I haven't been there since 2001 (my graduation trip) and I can't wait to go back. Not going to be able to go for very long due to work, but we're going to be able to do about a week and a half. Plan is to fit a 3 day Maasai Mara safari in there as well as renting a car and driving to the village for 2 nights. The rest of the time will be spent in Nairobi. I think that will work out okay. I am really really looking forward to seeing all my friends there.

In other, less interesting, news, I have 2 more books to add to the list:
13. Is the Coffee Fresh, by Marc Renson
14. Gunn's Golden Rules, by Tim Gunn
15. Sleepwalk with Me, by Mike Birbiglia

I have 2 months to read 5 more. And I'm working on a play right now. It's gonna be tight!

Ah, yes, the play. Dedicated to the End. An interactive murder mystery. I'm playing Tortellini Fuscilli. My accent is awful (kinda Brooklyn, kinda just squeaky), but it seems to get a laugh, so that's all that matters. This is my 4th play since I started doing community theatre in the Capital District. It's been fun. It's definitely something I'm going to keep doing.

trucking along...

2010-09-13T20:28:00.001-05:00

12. American on Purpose by Craig Ferguson

More books!

2010-08-31T14:02:00.003-05:00

Fell horribly behind on my plan to read 20 books this year. Need to step it up. 4 more completed this week:
8. Shit My Dad Says by Justin Halpern
9. Fever Dream by Preston & Child
10. Ellis Island Interview by Peter Morton Coan
11. Around the World in a Bad Mood by Rene Foss

New Years Resolutions

2010-06-17T19:59:00.002-05:00

I rarely make New Years Resolutions. I kind of find them arbitrary and silly. However, I decided to make one this year that would force me to do something I should be doing anyway. I made a New Years Resolution to read at least 20 books this year. I'm pretty far behind at this point since that whole wedding and honeymoon thing took up some time, both in planning and execution. And I watch too much freaking TV. However, I am determined to catch up this summer. I'm currently reading The Dilbert Principle. Yes, it came out 14 years ago. I still have never seen "The Godfather." What's your point?

Books read so far this year:
1. Superfreakonomics
2. The Associate
3. Maui Revealed, Big Island Revealed, The Ultimate Kauai Guidebook - counting all as one since they're guidebooks (though i did read them cover to cover)
4. No Touch Monkey

Maybe if I keep track of my progress on here I won't abandon the project for fear of public humiliation.

I am very lazy

2010-02-17T21:13:00.003-05:00

This is my first blog post in almost a year and all I can think to write is that I am lazy. This is sad.

Today's thought

2009-03-31T10:49:00.001-05:00

You know it's not a good week when you're looking forward to the dentist appointment.

Today's pet peeve

2009-03-18T19:04:00.002-05:00

I work at a place called Stuyvesant Plaza. The main part of the plaza is a shopping center, mostly for rich people (fur shop, jewelry stores, gourmet foods, etc.) Though there is a Fridays. I guess rich people need fried mac and cheese too. Behind the shopping mall is an office park. This is where I work.

There are two ways to leave the office park. There is a road out to a side street or you can go through the shopping center directly on to the main road and a ramp for the highway. As I take the highway, I go this way. Even though most days I end up annoyed.

You see, the exit from the plaza is a bit peculiar. Let’s see if I can actually describe it. You can only turn right as it is a curving exit (not that this stops the public bus – I’ve seen multiple CDTA buses turn left across 4 lanes out of this exit. Awesome. Anyway, the main road has 2 lanes going in the west direction. The exit from the plaza curves and becomes a third lane which then turns into the on ramp for the highway. There is a solid line separating it for several feet and then a dotted line before turning back into a solid white line and separating from the road to curve onto the highway.

Here’s the thing – it is a separate lane. There is no stop sign. There is no yield sign. One would assume, and I do, that the correct thing to do is exit the plaza without stopping and then change lanes at the dotted lines if you need to do so.

This seemingly simple process is apparently far too difficult for some people. I spend far too much time sitting in a long line of cars because some dumbass has stopped and is waiting for there to be no traffic coming in any of the main lanes so he/she can cross the solid white line immediately. Or, even better, the person has stopped and is waiting for there to be no cars coming in any of the lanes so he can continue IN THE LANE HE IS ALREADY IN! I am in no mood for this at the end of my work day.

I hate the stupid.

I’d go out the other exit, but that would involve two traffic lights and likely take even longer since I’d be making a big circle back to where I want to go. Though I do sometimes go that way during the Christmas shopping season. That involves stupid drivers AND selfish, oblivious and stupid shoppers. I get tired of going 2 miles per hour because some idiot parent is more concerned with getting the shiny package to the car than making sure the 3-year-old doesn’t run in front of cars.

Like I said, I hate the stupid.

Today's thought

2009-03-11T13:52:00.002-05:00

These days, I often think this whole working thing is overrated. I think I will choose to be independently wealthy instead. Donations accepted.

Inauguration

2009-03-09T16:36:00.001-05:00

I got behind on my blog. As usual. Like other things in my life, I make grand plans and then get lazy. Really need to work on that.

I meant to write an entry about the Inauguration within a week after it happened. Instead, it is now almost 2 months later and I am making a half-assed attempted since it’s not exactly of-the-moment news. Here’s my little contribution.

I decided to go to Inauguration this year for several reasons. First, it was to be a historic event and it would be a cool things to tell people years from now. Second, I went to Bush’s first Inauguration in 2001 since I still lived in DC at the time and thought it would be cool to go to another one, especially since I was actually happy about this president taking office. Third, I hadn’t been to DC in several years and missed the place and my friends, so I thought it would be a perfect time to go – see my friends and see something historic with 2 million of my fellow citizens.

I went down the Sunday before and stayed with my friend, we’ll call him Sweatshirt Puppeteer, or SP (again, I started a trend of no real names, so let’s keep it going) in Alexandria. We’ve been friends since freshman year of college and he is one of my favorite people, so I was really excited to hang out with him. (He lives with another college friend, so bonus!) I also got to stop in Maryland on the way and see my friend/former roommate. I hadn’t met her two kids yet and one was brand new, so that was cool too. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see all my college friends in the area, but now I am motivated to go again soon, so we’ll hope I don’t get lazy on that one (and/or that weekends don’t completely fill up with mundane things).

SP had no interest in going into DC for the festivities as there were going to be people and he did not care for that. So, I headed out on my own. I intended to take a blue train in the city and start out at GW and walk as close as I could and stop. Unfortunately, every blue train was packed by that time (I left at 9:30 I think), so I finally gave up and hopped on a yellow. I was intending to meet up with a law school friend and his wife, but hadn’t yet determined where they were.

Got off the train in Chinatown and determined they were at the Washington Monument This is a bit of a walk. This is even more of a walk on a day when there are road blocks until you get to 18th street. I essentially walked a large backwards J because of the roadblocks. I actually didn’t mind the walk because a. it kept me warm and b. I got to see all the crazy crowds. I took a lot of photos while walking.

I finally got to the monument, but couldn’t find my friend. I’m guessing he was within 30-50 feet of me, but it was packed and I’m only 5’5”, so it wasn’t happening. But, I made it there with half an hour to spare and could hear fine and could see one of the screens if I stood on my toes and craned my neck, so I decided to stay put. I figured at least I was looking at the Capitol, even if it was a mile away, so I was good.

The amazing thing to me was that people were happy and nice. No one pushed, no one complained. And everyone shut up completely when Obama took his oath and gave his speech. Almost 2 million people, silent. (And 90% of those people all booing in unison when Dick Cheney came out. That was loud.) The only rude person I ran into was on the metro on the way home – he decided he wanted more space so he kept sticking out his elbow so others couldn’t get on the train. I backed into his elbow and got on anyway. Screw that. I rode the B line T in Boston for 4 years, a little elbow isn’t going to keep me off the train.

I missed a little of the speech to a weird echo in the speakers, but that’s why Flarf taped 4 hours of coverage on CNN for me (thanks Flarf!), but it was really cool to be in the crowd. I am so happy that I went.

And can I say how happy I am that it didn’t rain? It was cold, but the sun was shining and I had a hat, so I was pleased. (If you’ll recall, in 2001, it rained for most of the day. Mother Nature did not care for W, I think.)

The place cleared out pretty fast during the poet (yeah, I can’t remember her name now). My friends ended up being pushed north, so we ended up meeting up for lunch in Dupont Circle (I walked a lot that day) at a restaurant near my old senior year apartment building, so I enjoyed the nostalgia. And while waiting for the phones to work to figure out where they were, I went to see the WWII memorial because I moved away before it was built and had never seen it.

A cool trip. Very glad that I went.

Aruba Part 3: Our engagement (or "One more story")

2009-03-06T17:14:00.000-05:00

After dinner on Sunday, we went to the beach for one more walk. We walked up to the Marriott. We walked down to the Westin. And then up again. Flarf asked if I thought the vacation was cursed since so many things went wrong. I said that I didn’t think it was cursed. I thought we had some interesting stories – and how fun is it to tell a story about getting on the plane and getting to your destination on time? Where’s the humor in that? Plus, once we got there, we had a lot of fun.

We walked some more. And then back to the hotel. And then one more walk toward the Westin. Bad karaoke from a party boat in the background. We walked down the beach and stopped in front of the Raddison.

Flarf asked me if I wanted to add one more story to the list (see how he tied that all in – well done, huh?) Of course, I said yes.

He had picked out a pretty ring based on some ideasI gave him. But, in true Flarf form, he immediately told me that we could go back to the jewelry store and I could try stuff on if I wanted to pick out something else I like better. (And yes, in true Wraar form, I did go to the store, BUT I ended up keeping the one Flarf picked out. So there.)

I put on my pretty new ring and we headed back to our room to have a celebratory bottle of water. (In part because we both had colds by this point).

The next morning we took a taxi to the cruise ship port area of Oranjestaad and shopped. Most of the regular shops were closed, but we can’t afford anything at Louis Viutton anyway, so we didn’t care. The trinket stalls were open and that was fine. We got a few gifties for those who took us to the airport and fed our cat (again, we’re very sorry she tried to eat your leg 12 times) and something for ourselves before heading back to the hotel. We had checked out so no more included food for us – we went a couple of hotels down and had sandwiches. One of the better things we ate all trip actually.

We managed to get one more walk on the beach and one more toe in the water (as well as several more photos of lizards – they’re EVERYWHERE and there were really cool ones at our hotel).

Then we hopped on our shuttled and headed out. Flights on the way home were on time. (see, that is very boring to write about) Good thing though, since we both got sicker as the day wore on. We both ended up staying home sick the next day.

So, all in all a pretty great vacation, once we got there.

And now, a few things we learned/confirmed in Aruba:
1. Food at all-inclusives is not very good
2. There are a lot of lizards in Aruba
3. At least at our hotel, unless your drink name contains the ingredients (i.e. rum and coke, gin and tonic), you will be presented with rum and fruit punch, rum and pina colada mix or a combination of both.
4. It is very humid and very windy in Aruba
5. Topless bathing is apparently permitted on Palm Beach.
6. Bikini’s apparently come in every size.
7. Flarf and I can spend hours walking on a beach.
8. Jeeps are cool.
9. Donkeys are also cool. But we all knew that.
10. Aruba is a fun place.

Aruba Part 2: We enjoy our vacation (or “Yay Jeep!”)

2009-03-06T17:13:00.002-05:00

So, we last left off with us finally getting to Aruba and checking into the Raddisson because they overbooked our hotel, the Occidental. We headed to the Occidental beach party.

At this point, we were very happy to be on the beach and in clean clothes. We were seated at a table and ordered some drinks and got some food. The food was Aruban (one of the hotel’s restaurants is a Caribbean fusion theme, so I assume this is what they serve there – we didn’t actually go to that restaurant). There was some interesting stuff. Particularly one dish (I am blanking on the name now) that is a cheese rind stuffed with chicken and cashews. It is yummy.

A little while later, another couple was seated at our table. Since I never use my own name on this blog or Flarf’s, we’ll just call them J and K. They are from NJ and are awesome. We hung out with them during the whole beach party and then went upstairs to this cool outside lounge bar (lots of beds and couches) and hung out for another few hours. During dinner, Flarf won a drawing for a free massage. If you’ll remember from part 1, we already got a certificate for a couples massage from the hotel, so we figured we wouldn’t use it and gave it to K. She seemed really excited about it, so it was cool. They had rented a jeep for the day on Saturday and invited us to go along. We had wanted to do that anyway and decided to go along.

The next day, Friday, we got up and went to breakfast and then the beach. Then we checked out of the Raddison. On the way out, we stopped to visit all the cool birds. The Raddisson has a bunch of exotic birds (macaws, etc.) and at that point, they were all out and wandering around the back lobby area outside. I stopped to take some photos and while I was following one bird with the camera, the bird guy collected 3 of them and put them on my arms. Then Flarf got to wear the birds. One tried to steal his hat. Completely random and completely cool experience. Those are always the best, aren't they?

After saying goodbye to the cool birdies, we checked out and headed back to the Occidental – we toughed it out and walked the 500 feet. We left our bags with the front desk and went for a walk down hotel row and the hopes of finding a few articles of clothing for cheap, just in case our bags too a long time. And to see what existed on the strip. (Lots of tourist stores and places to eat like Hooters, Fridays and Brueggers – how exotic).

We got back to the hotel around 2:30 to discover that our room was ready and…that we had luggage!!! Our room turned out to be great. The view was amazing – we were on the north side of the north building and towards the ocean end of it, so we got a decent amount of ocean and beach in the view. It was really nice to just sit on the balcony and enjoy the wind. And Aruba has wind. A lot of it. Do not expect your hair to look good there. Ever.

That night we had dinner at the Royal Club, the special restaurant we weren’t supposed to be able to go to (being non-fancy top floor folk) but that they gave us a pass to for our room debacle. It was okay. Some of the food was yummy. Some less so. We were the only people there for a while which I hate since we had to go at 6. The manager lady said they would take care of making our dinner reservations for us since we were being sent to the other hotel and asked us what time we wanted. We said 7 and then chanced our minds and said 8 to make sure we had plenty of time for day activities. So, of course, they made them all for 9. We got the Royal Club chanced and the Italian for the last night changed, but ended up eating sushi at 9 the next night. Whatever, no big deal and fits in with the theme of Part 1, no? We went for a walk on the beach and spent the evening at the outside lounge again and then checked out their nightclub. 10 people in there and a medley of Michael Jackson songs. We did not stay long.

On Saturday, we met up with J and K and went out with the jeep. We went snorkeling at Baby Beach. Flarf was the most successful at that. Snorkels and I do not get along, but I was happy just to be in the ocean, though my contacts and the salt water had a little disagreement. J and K got bored and went to a bar on the beach. After the snorkeling attempt, we decided to just drive. We headed up the east coast into the national park. We saw lots of cacti and lots of goats. Lots of goats. We have many pictures of goats. But, in all fairness, they WERE jumping around on cliffs, not just chewing stuff. We also saw a donkey. I do love donkeys.

We also visited a cave, which was pretty cool. And the Natural Bridge. Or what remains of it after the collapse in 2005. And we saw some gold mill ruins. And lots of cool cliffs and pretty water. And we thought we were going to die several times thanks to J and the jeep. The phrase of the day: “yay jeep!” coined by Flarf the first time we thought we were going to roll over but didn’t. It was said many many times. We drove into a military test zone that said “enter at your own risk” because J didn’t see any black flags up. We lived.

We ended the day with a drive to the California Lighthouse at the north end of the island and then watched the sun set. Much pretty. It was a good day. We got back to the hotel, said goodbye to our friends and slowly got ready for our 9PM dinner reservation. We then had mediocre sushi and did more wandering around the beach and headed to the lounge bar again. We hung out with J and K and another couple they had met I think on their plane. Then we got rained on. A lot. Whatever, my hair was already a mess from the wind and humidity, so who cares. Rather than stay in the rain we all went to the hotel’s casino and played for a bit and then J and K joined us in the nightclub where we heard stories of celebrity bad behavior on J’s plane and Flarf got the hiccups for an hour.

On Sunday, we spent most of the day at the beach and pool, with lots of walking up and down the beach. We are good at that. We ate mediocre Italian for dinner. We said our goodbyes to J and K and set out for one more walk on the beach. And thus, ends Part 2.

Aruba Part I: Getting There (or "Now What??!?")

2009-02-12T21:27:00.004-05:00

Flarf and I decided to go to Aruba for vacation this year. We settled on Aruba because it seemed like a place where there was a decent amount of stuff to do and see – we both get very bored very easily with “relaxation,” so we needed a place that had options. We also couldn’t take too much time off of work, so we settled on the Caribbean and settled on Aruba. We scheduled the trip from January 7, 2009 to January 12, 2009. We packed and were ready to go.

On January 7, an ice storm came in during the morning. It wasn’t supposed to get bad until late morning and our flight was at 8:20, so were hopeful. Our schedule was 8:20 flight from Albany to Charlotte, NC with an hour layover and then an 11:30 flight from Charlotte to Aruba, getting in late afternoon (all on US Airways – I know, mistake number one). We crossed our fingers, headed to the airport and hoped for the best.

Our flight in Albany was scheduled to leave on time. We boarded on time. Then we pushed back from the gate about 15 minutes late. Okay. No biggie. Then the pilot says we need to de-ice which will take about 10 minutes. It takes 40. So, we leave an hour late. We then land in Charlotte at 11:30. Remember what time our Aruba flight was supposed to leave? Right, 11:30. And we appear to be the only Albany passengers on that, so the plane is not held. Argh.

We get sent a few places and deal with an unpleasant woman and then are finally sent back through security to the line to be re-booked. Which we stand in for 2 and a half hours. We finally get to the counter and a very nice lady tells us that she can still get us in that day through Miami (but tells us to shhh because most other people in the line are being forced to stay overnight). Our new flight is to leave Charlotte at 4:15 and arrive in Miami at 6:15. Then we would have a hours layover, switch to American Airlines and leave for Aruba at 8:15.

We boarded our 4:15 Charlotte flight on time, sitting several rows away from each other (beggars can’t be choosers and we have iPods, so okay). And then. The pilot comes on and says there is a wind delay in Charlotte and there is only one runway open now, so we have to wait our turn. And we wait. And wait. And take off at 6:15. Yes, we take off when we were supposed to land. Go on, do the math. Yes, we land when our next flight is supposed to leave. Sooooo…surprise! We missed it.

Out to the US Airways counter to figure something out. Of course, there are no more flights tonight, so we are on the first American flight the next morning – at 11:10. This took forever at the counter. And because the delay is weather related, they won’t pay for a hotel. We get a voucher for a discount and end up going to the Wyndam Hotel near the airport. No luggage because we’ve been rerouted so they can’t get it for us. We did meet a lovely couple from Syracuse who also missed the Aruba flight and had a similar day to us. They joined us on the hotel shuttle. Turns out their kid went to RPI and they’ve met my mom. Small world.

We eat some late dinner in the hotel bar and have a couple of much needed drinks and then head to the room. We try to call the hotel to make sure they don’t cancel our reservation. We keep getting put on hold with no one picking up. We finally get on the phone with Orbitz and then conference the hotel. We still have reservation, but we will be charged for the missed night. At this point we do not care.

Our carry-ons have some clothes, but no jammies. So, I sleep in a towel. We also did not think to put the toothpaste or hair products of any sort in the carry-on, so joy. We go to bed. And then spend the entire night waking up every 20 minutes or so because we have realized we are staying at the noisiest hotel ever. There are buses. There are trucks. There is even a train. And then as soon as dawn approaches, there is construction across the street at the airport. The beeping of the trucks is enough to make you stab someone.

So, uber-well-rested, we get ready for the airport. I try to do my hair with lotion. It does not work. We chew a lot of gum since we have no toothpaste.

We get to the airport at 9. We look for the correct AA counter for a while – there are about 50 at the Miami Airport. We finally find a line where the bouncer lady permits us to enter. We’re not sure it’s correct, but we’re happy to be somewhere. After only about 20 minutes behind people with more luggage than I thought existed in the world, we get to the counter. Where we promptly learn that the US Airways woman last night was a moron. There are 3 reservations under Flarf’s name and none under mine. Never mind that we have printed E-ticket things. We are told they mean nothing.

I then proceed to have a mini-meltdown. No scene. Just some quiet tears as I realize there is a serious possibility that I am not getting on this plane. The AA lady seems very cranky and mean, but she turns out to just hate US Air, not us. She gets us both on the plane, even sitting next to each other and gives us priority boarding – we think just to be nice.

We head to the international gates, grab some sandwiches and wait. We board and fly to Aruba on time and uneventfully (yay!). When we arrive, there is then a mess in immigration. The place is packed with people and the lines make no sense. Then they open a new line, so we get in that one. Then the lady there decides to move 5 lanes away and tells the line to go with her. Which is chaos. Utter chaos. It ends up with no less than 3 lines feeding into one. Then, the person at the front of the line has not filled out the form we were given an hour ago on the plane. And the immigration person LET’S THE IDIOT STAND THERE AND FILL IT OUT!!!! So, we all get to wait with out already filled out forms while Captain Dumbass looks for a pen because he was too busy licking the barf bag on the plane to be bothered to fill out the form as he was told. On the up side, we meet a nice older couple in line who are frequent Aruba visitors and the man looks like Caribbean Santa.

We finally get through immigration and go to baggage claim. Guess what? No bags. Of course. We then meet the Syracuse couple again who also have no bags. We all stand in line and fill out the lost bag forms. The AA lady is very nice, but gripes about US Air in a way that makes us think this is a very common thing. She tells us AA will bring our bags to our hotel when they get there, but can’t guess as to when that will be.

We then go get on our bus and head to the hotel It’s a long bus ride because it stops at every major hotel, but we’re actually happy to see the other places. And happy to be off an airplane and on our way to our lovely room.

We get to our hotel, the Occidental, and head into the lobby. Since we have no luggage to get off the bus, we are second in line. They bring us champagne and we are happy. Then we get to the counter and rather than give us room keys, they tell us the manager needs to speak with us and we need to wait over here. Now we are paranoid. We called last night about the missed day, dammit! Now what?

After over 30 minutes (but happily, an additional glass of champagne), the manager lady takes us to a creepy back office clearly not meant for the eyes of tourists. We wonder why we are being treated like shoplifters. We are told the hotel is overbooked and they need to move us to the hotel next door for the night. Seriously.

This is when the lady got super nice and apologetic. I believe that’s because we both looked like someone punched us in the stomach – what the hell else is gonna happen? Huh?

That is the end of the messy part of vacation. We got in a day late and had no room and no luggage. We did get our little all-inclusive bracelets so we could come to the hotel and drink our annoyances away. They promised to make our dinner reservations for us (the hotel had restaurants that required fancy clothes and reservations and you only get a certain number per stay) at 8 P.M. like we asked (turns out they misunderstood and they were all for 9, but we managed to change 2 of the 3 later). We also got free massages and dinner at the restaurant for fancy rich people on the top floors where we weren’t supposed to be allowed to go. And we have a certificate for a free night if we go back within a year. So, fine.

The manager herself drove us next door to the Radisson (which we found funny, especially once we realized it was a 5 minutes walk). We were given the contents of our mini-bar because the Radisson is not all-inclusive. We checked in with a really amusing guy who was super nice to us and found our travel story hilarious in a glad-it’s-not-me kind of way. We got a free tote bag which came in handy for the rest of vacation. We went to our room which was actually kind of nice. The grounds of the Radisson are really nice too. Flarf called the trip insurance people while I went to the hotel gift shop and bought a t-shirt (I packed really weird crap in my carry-on that did not go together), toothpaste, a toothbrush, Q-tips, hair gel and sunscreen. For $63. We headed back to the Occidental for the Thursday night beach party for dinner and relaxing. As that begins the fun part of our vacation, I will leave that for the next installment.

Today's thought

2008-09-14T11:47:00.002-05:00

I really don't care for celery.

Ever have one of those days...

2008-09-07T19:50:00.002-05:00

when your brain is so overloaded with ideas that you feel like if you just focused on one you could do something awesome? Do most of those days just end you giving up and sitting on the couch watching tv? Then you, my friend, are just like me.

2008-09-03T19:09:00.000-05:00

Frogs are kind of awesome.

Thought of the day

2008-07-08T20:01:00.001-05:00

In my world, ninjas hiss

Things I Learned/Confirmed in Vegas Last Weekend

2008-03-07T17:45:00.002-05:00

1. I enjoy Vegas more when I have a job.

2. NASCAR fans are not my people.

3. The noisier the slot machine the better – I want everyone to know the little blue fish lined up and I won three whole dollars.

4. Strapless shirts are not for everyone.

5. Wayne Brady is damn skinny.

6. Buffets never work out in the end.

7. A giant fountain and a gust of wind does not make for a pretty result on a chilly March evening.

8. NASCAR fans are not my people.

9. My attention span for Roulette is about an hour.

10. When a cab driver begins a sentence with, “I’m not trying to be a racist here…” the next words out of his mouth will offend most sensible people and make for an uncomfortable ride.

11. Mid-westerners care a lot about school fight songs. A lot.

12. A tiki bar is a good thing. Always.

13. Everyone CAN go braless. Not everyone SHOULD.

14. NASCAR fans are not my people.

15. Drunken NASCAR fans hate Canada.

16. I appreciate New York’s anti-smoking laws far more than I thought I did.

17. Dolphins are cool.

18. No matter how far I get in life or my available credit, I will never feel like I belong in certain stores.

19. My hair does not appreciate the desert.

20. Oxygen bars make the nose tickle and the neck burn.

21. I never want to stay at Fitzgerald’s again.

22. To the guys with the cards on the street, I apparently look like the kind of girl who might enjoy a prostitute.

23. NASCAR fans are not my people.

24. 24 is a good number. At least for Flarf.

25. I do like tequila after all, provided it’s the good stuff.

26. I am uncomfortable dropping $50-$100 at a gaming table, but not buying $150 dollars worth of crap I don’t need.

27. If the hotel promises a cot, the don’t really mean it and couldn’t care less if the pregnant woman has to sleep on a chair or three to a bed.

28. Just because you’re able to force the zipper closed, doesn’t make it your size.

29. It’s best to double check the volume of the alarm clock BEFORE you slumber. There’s awake…and there’s cardiac incident.

30. I am apparently not young enough or cool enough to understand why velour tracksuits are a good look for anyone under 70.

31. NASCAR fans are not my people.

32. Airport food service workers are baffled by cash registers.

33. I can easily kill half and hour people watching and making snarky comments to my companions. More if I have a tasty drink and my feet hurt too much to move.

34. Guiness soothes the tummy better than most pills.

35. Airplane peanut bags are childproof.

And did I mention, NASCAR fans are really not my people.

All said and done, a good vacation. Next, however, we will choose to go on a weekend that does not involve a big car race. :-)

Who's having a good week?

2007-03-09T16:32:00.001-05:00

Me! Me! Me!

I must have done something good to the universe. When I really started hating everything associated with my job in February, I applied for several jobs. I just got the first one I applied for. It took less than a month. It's not a glamorous job, but it will be much better than this. I will still be working as an attorney (I was almost ready to give up the profession entirely). The office is WAY closer to home. It involves traveling, but I get paid for mileage on those days. I only had to take a $1000 pay cut, which I should easily be able to recoup in commuting costs. I have to pay for part of my insurance, but again, not enough to make it worse than paying for gas to drive an hour away in a borrowed dadmobile every day. And there's dental, which is awesome because I apparently have wisdom teeth now (serves me right for not going to the dentist for 6 years, I guess).

And to top it all off, when I had the I Quit discussion with my boss yesterday, it went well. He even complimented my abilities as an attorney, which shocked the hell out of me because I think I suck at this and was pretty sure he thought I was as dumb as a sneaker. And he offered to have me only work until next Friday, which gives me a week off before starting the new gig.

So, I am having a good week. I must make sure to donate to charity or do something super-nice for someone to thank the universe.

In conclusion: I. Am. NEW. Job. :-)

The lessons of life

2007-03-05T09:43:00.000-05:00

It's a sad day when you realize that you wasted three years in school and $100k for an education that prepares you do do something that you absolutely hate. This is my first post since I started my job on October 11, 2006. And I want out of this job more than I can say. I spent almost a year and a half after law school, time I could have spent working on a career I enjoy, looking for a job in a law firm, because that's what they brainwash you to want in law school; it's what you're supposed to do; what you're supposed to want. The goal is to work as an associate and make partner some day. Well, I've worked for 5 months as an associate in a firm in Glens Falls, NY, an hour away from where I live, that expects associates to work the hours of their New York City counterparts, but pays them less than 1/3 the money. Yes, yes, cost of living is different. But not that different. And I'm barely able to pay my bills with what they pay me. And I hate what I do. And I get yelled at for not staying until 8 every night and working every weekend. I even got a LONG talking to about how I do not exhibit the proper amount of fear of the job. Not of going to court or anything that really matters , but of the rest of it. I'm not too afraid to go home or too afraid to take a vacation day or other horrible awful things like that. $100k and I'm supposed to be afraid every day. And miserable. And have no life. And not even be able to buy cool stuff to show for it or go on any of the trips I wanted to take by this point in my life. I used to be a happy person with lots of hopes and dreams. Now I spend most days wondering why the hell I wasted the last 5 years of my life. I want out and I want out now. I suppose I did what I should have for my sanity in 15 years. I tried it. I got my law degree and my license and instead of just getting whatever job I could, I got a job as an attorney and I tried it. It's like a vegetable when you're a kid. I tried it, I didn't like it and now mommy won't make me eat it again because I gave it a shot. I worked as a litigation associate for 5 months. In my opinion, the suckiest kind of attorney position. And now I know, and will know forever, that I don't want to be this when I grow up. I will never wonder what if I had tried to be an attorney, unlike a lot of other times in my life when I didn't hold out for the good job and took whatever I got first to pay the bills. Of course, this time the holding out totally sucked, but I'm sure it will make me a better person in 20 years. Or something like that. At least that's what I hope flarf believes, having dealt with a miserable crazy person for the last 2 years.

And now, my rant is done. Makes me feel a little better actually. A lot less likely to try to poison my boss's coffee or his chewing tobacco (yep, that's the kind of classy guy I work for - at least he waits until the secretaries go home to pop in the chaw. Most days). I will feel even better if when I go home, I have time to play with flarf's wii (yeah yeah, dirty, ha ha) - I pretend it's my boss's face on the punching bag.

Anyone got any ideas of what a burnt out 27-year-old with an expensive and useless legal education could do for a career? I'm all ears...

And now back to our regularly scheduled nonsense.

Finally...

2006-09-25T13:50:00.000-05:00

I. Am. Job.

I'm smart enough to make a photocopy, dammit!

2006-09-11T16:45:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how much differently people treat you when they assume they are your complete intellectual superior and when they do not.

As many of you know, I'm still looking for a full time job as an attorney, having finished law school last year and gotten admitted to the bar in the beginning of this year. To make sure Sallie Mae doesn't send goons after my ass, I have been taking some random temp jobs to attempt to make ends meet while I interview and send out reams of resumes and whatnot.

My latest temp job, which will mercifully end today, is my third at a law firm. Often on these jobs, I tell people up front my situation because after having done a lot of temping over summers in college and having bad temp experiences in the office where I did my work-study job in college, I know that the usual attitude with temps is stupid until proven otherwise. This time I just didn't feel like bothering to be charming because I had already been here once before to answer phones for an afternoon and had figured out that a) there was no way these people would offer me a job as an attorney because they are fully staffed and b) most of them are stuffy and unpleasant. So, I didn't tell anyone anything about my qualifications (although the office manager and receptionist already knew since I was here before).

People talked to me like I was a moron. The secretary who was "training" me (i.e. showing me where crap is), actually took 5 minutes to explain to me how to mail a letter, among other things. The next day when I had taken over for that secretary, I overheard one of the paralegals ask another secretary to send something out for her and when the secretary said that I had taken over for said paralegal's secretary and she could give it to me, the response was, "this is too important; it has to go to the court. I really need you to do it." I just shook my head to myself and rolled my eyes. One of the attorneys looked scared every time he had to give me something - like I was going to completely screw it up and demons would attack him in his office. He took almost 2 minutes (and I am absolutely not exaggerating one bit) to explain to me the concept of making revisions to a document on the computer from the paper copy he gave to me. Took at least a minute explaining that I needed to insert a new heading. Now, even without my fancy expensive law degree that is collecting figurative and literal dust, I can do these tasks. I could do them when I was in high school. I can also read and walk. I know. It's crazy.

I did let people know one by one that in fact I am an attorney if it came up in conversation. It is AMAZING how differently they each treated me when they found out. The secretaries and paralegals (with the exception of one who decided I was her own personal intern and kept giving me her crap work that she didn't want to do) each apologized for not treating me differently. One apologized for being condescending. One paralegal now says please when she asks me to do anything and acts like it's a huge favor I'm doing for her. The other talks to me more and is much friendlier.

I'm not sure if I bothered to tell the younger attorney because he didn't come near me much either way. The older one (the one afraid of demons) has not treated me differently at all. But I wonder about him. He seems to be a little slow and deathly afraid of change. He's shocked every time I tell him what he wanted done is already done when he checks on my progress; can't seem to grasp why I, a highly educated and computer literate 27-year-old, have not learned how to take short-hand and can't handle things not being where he's used to them on the desk I'm sitting at. Of course, he also made me fetch him water multiple times and has made me look for a file for him when I told him I knew it was in his office just because he couldn't be bothered to spend 10 seconds doing something he thinks is a secretary's job, so in addition to thinking he's a little bit in need of a helmet, I also think he's a dickhead.

What's the point of this post you ask? Well,
1. My little mini-sociology experiment seems to point to the conclusion that most people seem to assume too much too quickly and that can make them suck.
2. I don't like temping.
3. Despite offering to help multiple people multiple times today, I ran out of work an hour and a half ago.

Boys and Veggies

2006-08-23T14:32:00.000-05:00

What’s up with grown men and vegetables?

My boyfriend (aka flarf) is a little boy when it comes to food. If it looks funny or feels squishy, he doesn’t want to try it. He will, showing some signs of adulthood, but will still make a face. He does not hide his disappointment in food well. Oh, he tries to be a good sport, especially if it is something that I have made for him and will quietly eat his food. Of course, I notice that he’s managed to shove every piece of bamboo shoot or bean sprout or whatever vegetable offended him to the side of the plate, as far away from the food he intends to consume as possible. I can also tell he’s just trying to be nice when he starts taking bites that an anorexic princess would consider too dainty. This is a man who has no qualms with putting an entire donut in his mouth or finishing a hot dog in two bites. So I can tell when he wishes the food would spontaneously combust or morph into sausage pizza. And I know it’s not the cooking – I may not be Bobby Flay, but I can make an edible meal. Besides, he does the same thing in restaurants; more so because the chef isn’t sitting next to him watching him make the faces.

Sure, he’ll eat some vegetables and other healthy foods. He likes green beans. He’ll eat lettuce if you turn it into salad dressing stew. And if you put enough of the right kind of sauce on it, broccoli might just get put into his mouth without an audible gag. But eggplant? Too squishy. Bean sprouts? Icky. Beans? Only if you sneak a tiny amount in with nachos. Fish? Not if it tastes like fish – gotta drown it in something. Tofu? Only if fried to a crisp and served with a dipping sauce. Water chestnuts? Thinks they might be crunchy little poison nodes. Peas? Well, no one should be eating those; they’re just plain evil. That’s one where he’s smart. He’ll eat veggies because he knows he supposed to, but he would kiss the scientist who tells him that crispy pad Thai is good for your heart and Buffalo chicken sandwiches will help you lose weight.

And he holds grudges against food. The first time he tried sushi was at a sushi buffet restaurant where I used to live in Arlington, VA. He ate one that didn’t sit well with him but wasn’t sure what it was. I can’t tell you how many months it took before he would try sushi again. I’m forgetting other specific examples of his grudges, but I’ve seen him do it plenty of times.

I should count my blessings though. From what I can tell, his two brothers are much much worse. At least flarf will TRY anything. He’ll make faces and might even spit it out, but he’ll at least let it touch his tastebuds once. Shell? Snarf’s Snarf? Comments on the other two?

I feel a little guilty making a grown man eat stuff he doesn’t want to. I often think twice before suggesting a particular type of restaurant and I feel a little bad when I decide I want mostly vegetables for dinner. Doesn’t help that I really like a lot of the foods that cause cranky face on him and that I usually do the cooking because he’s working a second job from home in the evenings right now. But, I know these foods are good for him and will keep him healthy so I can keep him a long time. Whether he likes it or not.

He’s gonna love it when he hears we’re having fish for dinner tonight.

And you are?

2006-08-11T14:08:00.000-05:00

I have a problem. I do not remember names when being introduced to people. If I'm told about the person in advance in an email or twelve or so conversations, we've got a good chance of success. But, if I meet you at a party or some other event, I'll shake your hand and by the end of that shake and the obligatory "nice to meet you," the name is gone. Oh, I'll rember your face for years, but as far as your name, it goes a little something like this:

You: Hi, I'm Name-y Mc-Name-rson
Me: Nice to meet you. [hand shake]
And woosh, your name is gone. You are now Man in Blue Shirt for the rest of our conversation. I'd introduce you to the other person I was talking to, but I don't think she actually goes by Chick With Weird Shoes.

This is especially problematic when interviewing for a job. It's not so bad during the interview because I am not a car salesman and do not need to keep calling So-and-So by his first name as I speak to him. Maybe I should. I supposed they'd remember me, if for no other reason than I was really annoying. The problem arises when I'm home and it's time to write the thank you letter/email. It's especially bad if I talked to more than one person. Good thing more and more law firms are going online with photos of their attorneys. I've stared forever at online photos trying to make sure it was the person I actually spoke to more times than I care to admit.

I really need to work on keeping names from flying out of my ears. Not really professional to always be writing names down on a notepad so your dumbass self doesn't forget.

My life would be so much easier if everyone wore nametags all the time. Or at least the first three or four times I talk to you. Otherwise you'll be forever in my memory as Girl Who Carries a Red Purse. Which sucks because you may buy a new one. And it may be blue. Now I don't know who you are. Oh well. Maybe Old Guy Eating Cookie can tell me.

I need to work in a different industry

2006-06-28T13:41:00.000-05:00

Ever have one of those days where you knew if you didn't go home soon someone in your office was going to end up with a pair of scissors in his eye and liquid paper violently stuffed up his nose?

This pompous, condescending, dictaphone-using, intercom-yelling, smelly cologne-wearing prick is gonna end up with a serious office equipment injury the next time he calls me honey or dear and is surprised I can spell.

and, the mantra: thank god it's only a temp job...thank god it's only a temp job..thank god it's only a temp job...thank god it's only a temp job...

Cats are weird

2006-06-01T11:42:00.000-05:00

For the second day in a row now, I have watched my cat settle herself down on a very uncomfortable looking piece of audio equipment with kobs and switches sticking out all over the place just so she can have the pleasure of stale air conditioner wind blowing into her wiskers for half an hour.

I better figure this out soon...

2006-05-15T12:51:00.000-05:00

I still haven't decided what I really want to be when I grow up. Any suggestions?

I hate dates (not the fruit; that's pretty tasty)

2006-04-26T12:10:00.000-05:00

I’ve never been much for dating. Now, don’t get me wrong – before flarf, I was plenty good at finding guys in all places; parties, bars, classrooms, plays at school, walking down the street in strange places, etc. What I mean is, I’ve never been much for dates.

You know – boy asks girl out (or vice versa), boy and girl share a meal and awkward conversation, then perhaps a movie or a stroll and then decide if they can still stand the sight of each other enough to tolerate another round some other night.

I always preferred the getting to know you on a much less formal level, like a parties where drinking is involved or wandering Washington D.C.’s monuments in the middle of the night with a large group of people. Maybe that’s why I always dated so many of my friends.

I’ve only had a handful of real first dates in the traditional sense. And I’ve disliked all of them.

For example, there was…crap, I can’t remember his name…I’ll call him Fred for now. Hopefully my former roomie remembers his name and can tell me. I met the (bad) musician when my roomie and I went to see her friend’s band play at the Grog and Tankard in Georgetown. Fred’s band played earlier in the night and somehow I ended up talking to him at the bar. He wasn’t cute and wasn’t all that charming, but I’m a stupid optimist, so I said sure when he asked me out. The next week, we went to a nondescript restaurant in Georgetown that he thought was fabulous and had a nondescript meal while making painful small talk. I could tell within 15 minutes that I had no interest in continuing this conversation, but then we ran into my flaw – I have a HUGE problem being blunt and/or rude to guys that seem to like me when I don’t like them. I worry about hurting feelings and I have a childish and selfish desire to avoid awkward moments or feeling guilty. So, being the charmer that I am, I continued to make small talk while yawning inside and quietly thinking of ways I could turn the napkins into fun jungle animals. Since we met right after work, dinner was over by 8 and I couldn’t pull the tired card, so the obligatory stroll was in order. We walked down to the river and sat on some concrete while he continued to bore me and I apparently continued to enchant him with my charms. Finally, I was able to get away with the tired/have to go to work tomorrow card (ALWAYS have first dates on weekdays or you’re stuck!) and he offered to drive me home so I wouldn’t have to use the metro. Even though I was bored, you never turn down a free ride home. So, he drove me home and wanted to walk me to my door. Again with the flaw, I let him and then had to come up with a way to make him go away. So, I figured, I’m an actor, I can give him a tiny tongue-less kiss goodnight if it makes him leave. So I did. And luckily, he did. But, apparently despite what I thought was obvious boredom, I left a fantastic impression and he called me for weeks after that. Since I have a problem with the bluntness I tried to be subtle and just start ignoring his calls or always having a reason to get off the phone. Subtly does not work on the stupid. He finally got it when one day I had my roomie yell for me to get off the phone because imaginary friends were at the door. It took weeks. I’m not sure I went on any more dates after him and before the flarf. Thank god for the flarf.

Fred definitely wasn’t my worst date. His name was Kevin and, unlike with Fred, I actually had a crush on him prior to the date (we both worked at the Knick, a concert arena in my hometown – no, I will not call it the Pepsi.). I’ll spare the details of precisely why the date itself was so bad because people’s moms read this sometimes. But he was even worse with the calling than Fred. He didn’t even wait 12 hours after the end the date to call me. He called on a Saturday morning less than 8 hours after dropping me off! Physchopath… Who does that??? He then proceeded to call me for MONTHS!!!! Not weeks; MONTHS! He liked to call and watch Jeopardy with me. I ended up having my mom always answer the phone and tell him I wasn’t there. Apparently subtly doesn’t work on the crazy either. After he had finally stopped calling my mom’s house looking for me, I was home the next summer and one of my jobs was in a convenience store and he came in. Which was annoying because he didn’t live anywhere near that store. Well, apparently the sight of me in a crappy t-shirt doling out cigarettes and lottery tickets was enough to rekindle the crazy and he called me all summer that year too. Then I left for a semester in Africa with no phone. Yay for that.

So, whether it’s because I attract the stupid and the crazy or because I can’t be honest when I can’t stand someone, I sucked at dates. Good thing I knew flarf for 5 years before we got together. Although I bet he would have been interested in making jungle animals out of the napkins. He’s just that kind of guy.

Anyone else have good bad date stories?

Important Life Lesson:

2006-04-13T09:58:00.000-05:00

You're never too old for Jello shots.

Why I haven't written in so long...

2006-02-13T13:40:00.000-05:00

Well, reason number one is sheer laziness.

But, on top of that, there was some travelling for a bachelor/bachelorette weekend in Las Vegas for some of my very favorite people (and I don't just say that because I know they read this). And then there was New York bar admission ceremony stuff. And then I was sick and wanted nothing to do with anything but the remote and a vaporizer. And then, since we didn't feel like paying another $1500 to live with bugs for a few more weeks, we decided to give notice to our landlord, find an apartment and move within a month from Boston to Albany. So, we've been busy. And I now find myself feeling like Lord of the Boxes as I move about my apartment. They are my small cardboard minions and they shall do my evil bidding of convinving my cat she is either a super hero able to almost leap tall buildings in several clumsy bounds or a spelunker capable of discovering new worlds. (It depends on whether the minions are full or empty).

So, that's why I haven't written. Or at least it sounds like a good reason. I'd still put money on sheer laziness.

If only we knew then...

2006-01-18T15:03:00.000-05:00

The other day I was cleaning and came across my old journals from my teenage years. I sat and flipped through them for a while and then stopped because I had the overwhelming urge to vomit because I couldn't go back in time and shake the teenage me until the last drop of unnecessary angst evaporated from my system.

Now, I had a pretty decent life in the grand scheme of things. My family had some major issues, more than a lot of people. But I wasn't starving, wasn't getting beaten up or stabbed on a daily basis and had plenty of friends. All in all, not so bad. However, to read these journal entries, you'd think I was a few seconds from throwing myself off a bridge. Why? Why do teenagers' brains, especially those of the female variety, become chemistry sets in the hands of a coked-out epileptic?

We all fancy ourselves tortured souls and write god-awful poetry or song lyrics. We all think the world is out to get us. We come up with what we think are brilliant verbal or visual representations of the oh-so-painful life we lead. I believe my favorite sad picture to draw was a giant eye with red cracks crying tears. And the quotes are far far more pretentious. And no, I will not share them because I do not wish to respond to the mocking. Boy do I want kick my 15-year old self in the head. Of course, 15-year-old response to my 26-year-old self would probably be akin to "YOU DON"T UNDERSTAND!!!!!" and then I would stomp off and slam my door. I was good at slamming doors. My sister is good too. I think my mom has wood chips all over the floor and a couple broken frames from my sister's exceptional ability. Oh yeah - she's 15 now. When I was really pissed I would slam the door and then put all my furniture in front of it so no one could penetrate my fortress of angst. It's all very funny in retrospect. I bet my mom would disagree, of course.

Anyone else wish they could go back and smack themselves in the face and say "SHUT UP! Get over it! And for god's sake, why the hell are you wearing that!?!?!?"

Looking for a job sucks

2006-01-11T16:06:00.000-05:00

Nothing is less fun than spending an afternoon printing out resumes and cover letters addressed to places you know won't hire you because they have no jobs open and you don't meet their standards anyway, but you have to send them anyway or you feel like you're not doing all you can to be a productive money-earning contributing member of society.

Well, maybe getting pooped on by an elephant is less fun. But I'm still not enjoying my afternoon.

Today's thought

2006-01-04T22:43:00.000-05:00

Ducks are cool.

funny

2005-12-16T16:26:00.000-05:00

I found it amusing that spell check wanted me to replace "smurf" with "sunroof."

Gallivanting with Grandpa

2005-12-16T14:29:00.000-05:00

A couple of posts ago I mentioned Martin Van Buren being a famous resident of Columbia County. I also promised to get back to him. And I am.

Martin Van Buren lived in Kinderhook, NY in a house named Lindenwald. It's yellow.

Lindenwald is one of many historic houses and museums in Columbia County. Between the ages of about 6 through 13 I saw them all. About 5 times each. Lindenwald about 20.

Why, you ask? Because I had a grandpa who liked historic stuff and who liked to drive around. And I was his only grandchild until I was 11. And I was a nerd who actually enjoyed that stuff, unlike normal children who want nothing more than to eat candy and watch cartoons. Mind you, I was not opposed to the candy and cartoons. I'm still not, as is evidenced by my physique. I was just more than happy to take a break from He-Man and his pal Battlecat to go learn about how people in 1750 made bread. Yeah, I dunno why either. But I kick ass at Trivial Pursuit.

Anyway, this is not the grandpa of the septic tank business discussed in the Redneck Jungle Gym post. This was the other one. He was slightly older, a WWII vet and a paper mill worker. My mom's dad. He lived near my other grandparents in a house by Kinderhook Lake in Niverville. About 2 of you will know where that is. That house was not yellow. It was blue. And when I say it was blue, I mean BLUE!!!!! He had always wanted a blue house so when I was a kid, he painted in blue. But I think he let the Smurf creators pick out his paint. The house was approximately the color of blue cake frosting and the trim was on par with a smurf in high-def. It was so bright that a blind person would shield his eyes. But, no one ever got lost looking for it.

Anyway, Grandpa and I went on outings. He called it "gallivanting." These outings would usually consist of a quick errand, followed by a long, out of the way, drive to a historic place, a tour of said place, and a long, completely different route home. He didn't believe in going the same way twice if you could help it. I suppose it could be a military thing, but I suspect he just liked cruisin' in the Buick. A trip to the Ponderosa just outside of Hudson was usually part of these excursions as well. I would always get the salad bar and always begin my meal with a big bowl of mac and cheese. I was a chubby kid. Grandpa, having diabetes, would order from the menu. This would involve a long conversation with the waitress in which he would put on the old man charm and tell her that he has diabetes so he has to watch his sugar, but that's okay, because you can still eat well while watching your sugar and isn't that right, wraar, you always eat good at my house, right? Okay, he used my real name because a. I was not called wraar back then and b. wraar would look silly coming out of his mouth, but that was generally how the conversation would go.

We went to a lot of places - the Van Allen House, some random houses whose names I can't remember, Olana (home of Frederick Church of the Hudson River School of painters - it's a castle on the Hudson. Very cool. I highly recommend it as a day trip to the Albany folks.) and even the Shaker Museum in Chatham. Okay, that last one bored me. Even a really nerdy kid doesn't want to look at sturdy furniture made by people who don't believe in nooky.

The place of choice, however, was Lindenwald. It was Grandpa's favorite. We went so many times that he could practically give the tour. And occasionally he pretty much did. He would wander to the other side of the ropes and start pointing out stuff, interrupting the tour guide to ask questions that he thought the other tour members might be interested in knowing the answer to. The tour guides usually let him - again with the old man charm.

He usually took over the tour at his favorite part. He would start getting giddy when he knew it was coming up and start mentioning to the others that they were about to see...da da DAH!!! The flushing toilet. Oh yes, he LOVED the little bathroom with the flushing toilet. Sounds mundane, but this was the 1830s - this was one of the first houses to have such a feature. This fascinated my grandfather. Luckily it was the historical value of it - he didn't go running into every restroom to point and say "look at the swirly water! look look!!" He probably could have gotten away with it, being an old man and all, but I don't think people would attribute it to charm. I think they may have sent him where the "special" old people go. Anyway, he made sure that everyone on every tour appreciated the greatness of the old flushing toilet. Or "the pot" as he liked to call toilets - as in, "I'm gonna go sit on the pot!" To make sure you get the full effect, try saying that sentence with a country-like twang and say "pot" about 5 notes higher with a British accent. Yes, my grandfather was "interesting."

I haven't been to Lindenwald in about 12 years. My mom and I tried to go a couple months ago because somehow she had never been. I can't believe her school never took field trips there. Unfortunately it was closed for renovation. I hope they're doing work on the upper floors so people can finally go up to the tower. I doubt it, but it would be nice. When they reopen, I say we all make a pilgrimage to see the flushing toilet. I think we'll skip the Ponderosa mac and cheese though.

The Shower Boogie

2005-12-12T15:41:00.000-05:00

That's a dance done by most people who bathe in our apartment in Boston. You see, our shower is not so much a shower as a test of agility run by a waterspout of death. As with most old apartments in old buildings in old cities, our place has "character." And by "character" I mean, chipped paint, a knothole in the floor by the front door, enough electricity to power an electic toothbrush or a toaster (but never EVER at the same time) and legions of cocroaches who plot their overthrow of the human race between the walls. Also, a highly moody shower.

Never mind the lack of water pressure and the old rotting tiles; let's start with the obvious: when you turn up the cold knob, you expect the temperature of the water to drop. You'd be wrong. About 50% of the time, that action causes the temperature to skyrocket as you plea for mercy for your poor unsuspecting toes. Usually when the temperature shoots through the roof, the water pressure increases and the flow pushes you to the back of the tub so you can't reach the knobs to try again. You have four options at this point:
1. stand there helpless with shampoo in your eyes until the water fixes itself. Could be anywhere from 4 seconds to 5 minutes.
2. reach through the scalding water and try to grasp the knobs and fix it without causing permanent injury to the skin on your arms and face.
3. climb out of the shower, getting the floor all wet and your butt cold, so you can fix the problem without injury.
4. stand where you are and scream for the other occupant of the apartment to come and fix it for you.
All are viable options and all have been used.

Of course, the opposite happens too - turn the hot all the way up and all you get is ice water. However, ice water does not melt the skin off the bones, so it is an easier beast to deal with and not all the above options are necessary.

Where the boogie comes in, however, are the times when the shower changes temperature all by itelf with little warning. I'm not talking the normal someone flushes the toilet and the temp goes up enough to startle an annoy the average person. No no. I'm talking about no warning and then a temperature shift of 50 degrees in one direction or another. You learn quickly that the shift will be preceded by a tiny tick or other sound. That sound means, "JUMP, MOTHER F***R!!!" There is no indication if it will be hot or cold water that will follow the tick. All you know is that you won't like it and will probably be a happier person if you are not caught under the flow of water when it hits.

This game that the shower likes to play can and will happen anywhere from 2 to 20 times during an average bathing experience. And if the drain is starting to clog for some reason? Here's where it gets interesting. Only about 70% of the water comes out of the shower head. The rest drips out of the regular tap and is always scalding hot. If there's a clog and it starts to back up, you are left balancing with your feet on opposite sides of the tub to being with. If you hear that tick, the result is a leap-frog meets drunken surfer scramble to get all of your essential parts out of danger's way.

I can't wait to move. Nor can flarf. When we visit the parents in Albany, he gets the most excited about showers. Like a child who knows he will be getting presents and cake, flarf does a happy dance at the thought of water pressure, constant temperature and burn-free feet all wrapped into one. He usually spends most of the weekend with pruny hands and has to be pried from the shower or at least lured away by the promise of a cookie or some pie. (It's easier to lure him away around the holidays, as there is more pie.) Someday will will have a normal shower of our own. What crazy dreamers we kids are.

Let's not even talk about what happens if there are two people in the shower...

My Redneck Jungle Gym

2005-11-30T16:21:00.000-05:00

I grew up in upstate New York. Yes, there are cows. No, that’s not all. Yes, you’re very funny with the cow reference. No no, I’m laughing on the inside. Yes, really. You slay me.

I did the vast majority of my growing up living with my mom and step-dad in the suburbs of Albany, which is not actually such a bad place to grow up. Boring as hell once you reach college age, but kind of a nice place to be a kid. And it seems to be getting better. Each time flarf and I return home (as he is also from said area), there’s at least one new store or restaurant between his parents’ house and mine that wasn’t there the last time we wandered into town. So, while I’m still not ready to go all suburban with the minivan and dogs, I at least don’t mind going there any more.

Yes, I left out my dad. You see, my dad lives in Columbia County, which is a rather rural county located between Albany and the Massachusetts border and a bit south. Yes, there are cows there. Yes, that’s about all.

Columbia county is an odd place. As far as I know, it can claim only two celebrities – Martin van Buren (yes, the president.) and Oliver North (who likes to pretend he’s from Virginia.) Once upon a time the county was pretty much all farms with the city of Hudson in the middle. Then yuppies from New York got tired of people and wanted to mingle with the cows and go antiquing, so they started building houses. Now it’s a strange place where 3-toothed pick-up driving rednecks regularly cross paths with latte-sipping LL Bean-wearing folks in Volvos.

My family has traditionally been from the former group. My great grandparents ran a dairy farm and my grandfather started a septic tank business. My father learned to drive on a tractor. No, I’m not kidding. Now he drives Mack trucks and works with concrete so don't mock him because it'd be pretty easy for him to have you disappeared.

I grew up around my grandfather’s business, now run by my dad. I had dolls and tea sets. I just played with them on a mound of dirt and would happily abandon them if one of the workers offered me a ride in the bulldozer. (Actually the bulldozer always scared me just a bit – I was afraid the treads would suck me under. But, the loader or backhoe – oh yeah!) I climbed trees, dug in the piles of dirt and rocks they used to do people’s driveways and always begged to go on deliveries with the guys so I could ride in the passenger seat of the big trucks. (The passenger’s seats didn’t have a whole lot in the way of shocks. Remember what it was like to go over a bump while sitting on the back of the school bus? Multiply it by 10 and you’ve got it. Of course, it was less fun as I, and my chest, grew bigger.)

As I got older, the company started doing less and less pumping of septic tanks (and therefore, less and less constantly smelling like poo at the dinner table) and more building them. They built the concrete kind and kept them in rows in the back, in the area called the “gravel bank” (where all the gravel for driveways was also kept, as I’m sure you sherlocked out).

For those who have never seen a concrete septic tank, which I’m sure is pretty much all of you, I shall describe. They come in different sizes, but the two kinds my dad made the most were cylinders about 3 and 6 feet tall and about 6 feet wide. (I’m sure I’m a little off, but I’m just going by a 10+ year old memory here.) They had notches all around the sides and a big hold in the top with a lid.

The notches fit 9 year old feet fantastically! I could climb right up those things and scurry all the way down the rows. They also usually left the lids off which meant if I was careful I could climb down into the 6 foot ones and have my only little secret cave (cause who cares about the 3 footers? It’s no cave if your head sticks out the top!) I was like a little wack-a-mole game on my football sized jungle gym, running about and popping in and out of the different tanks. I loved it. Of course, I learned one day when I tripped on the lid of one tank and fell just how hard and sharp concrete is. I made my own little blood fountain in my knee. But I didn’t care, I was always banged up back then, much to my prissy mother’s dismay. (She used to pick me up at my grandmothers (behind whose house the business was located) and freak out in the special way that only my mother can when she saw how dirty I was because I would have to...gasp...sit in the car that way! I would have understood the freakouts if she hadn’t been driving a 10 year old Sapporo at the time. Yeah, I never heard of that car either.)

Anyway, the point is, I had some kick-ass things to play with for a little tom-boy. I wonder if the person who bought that one septic tank noticed all the blood on it before burying it in the ground...

Knives are sharp...

2005-11-22T14:40:00.000-05:00

And the small piece of my thumb and thumbnail that now live in the trash rather than on my hand agree.

It goes well with the scratch on my eye caused by something that got in there yesterday.

I think I will spend the rest of the day on the couch.

The Origins of Wraar

2005-11-21T18:18:00.000-05:00

I’m sure many of you are saying to yourselves, “I wonder where she got the name ‘wraar’…It MUST be a nickname of sorts because surely no one would be that stoned when naming a child.”

Well, you are correct. While my mother DID find it amusing to name her child after a 70s TV character, she did not come up with Wraar.

The story of wraar dates all the way back to the academic year 1998/1999. During this year, I was a sophomore at GW. My friend Nicole and her roommate lived next door. Nicole often cooked food in my kitchen because I had a microwave and she did not. (Yes, our dorms had kitchens. There’s a reason GW is the 2nd most expensive school in the country. No, mommy and daddy did not pay for it. Scholarships and a pledge for my soul until I reach 40 took care of it). Anyway, I love Nicole. She’s a swell chica. However, her use of my microwave was not one of my most favorite college things. Why, you ask? Because she only cooked SMELLY food in my room. I knew that when I heard her knock I’d be smelling refried beans or powdered cheese for days.

I tell you this because wraar came about on a rare day when food was actually being cooked in NICOLE’S room and I was hanging out in the kitchen. Luckily Nicole was not cooking - she cooked smelly food in her room too. No, our friend Jamie was cooking pasta. Jamie was dating Nicole’s roommate. Out of respect for the insane, we’ll just call her “The Jersey Redhead.” Jamie spent many hours in the room cooking for the Jersey Redhead and trying to keep her from yelling at him. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes she made her Furbies attack him. (Yes, she collected Furbies.)

While chatting with Jamie and Nicole, I played with Nicole’s magnetic hangman. I created four new words – “wraar,” “gufem,” “chkp,” and “wubs.” Now, I figured the words would make people giggle and that would be the end of it. It was not to be so, however, and I must give credit for my name to Jamie. He and the Jersey Redhead took to yelling the four words at each other whenever they weren’t making out or involved in a Furby attack. I suppose the Jersey Redhead deserves credit too, but she was crazy and I like Jamie better, so she gets none! Hahahahaha! The power of the Wraar!

I choose “wraar” as a screenname for a bunch of stuff that year because it was the most name sounding and did not involve excessive numbers. I figured since no one else thought of it, I was a tad more unique than cutiepie8274082764885831134. I have kept it for everything ever since.

So, there you have it. Not all that amusing. But now you know. And I’m sure that makes you feel just a little bit better.

I AM SMRT

2005-11-21T18:17:00.000-05:00

I passed the New York bar. So now I've passed two. And I am running out of excuses for my unemployment.

The temporary health risks of pig

2005-11-14T14:35:00.000-05:00

When discussing my need to write about my family for humor's sake last weekend, my sister inquired as to whether I had any funny stories about her.

At the present time in her life, my sister is funny in a "Holy crap, please don't let that evil near my children" sort of way. You see, she's 15 and is a high school principal's worst nightmare. Her vocabulary when dealing with teachers and other authority figures consists almost exclusively of four letter words. And I don't mean "cute," "nice," and "frog." She makes teachers' ears bleed with shame and does a little crazy moon spasm ritual every time she gets suspended. Or at least I think she does. It could just be some scary-ass dancing, but for her sake, I'm going with spasm ritual. (I didn't have the hypen in scary-ass originally, but scary ass dancing sounds like something else entirely and something that none of you should be picturing my 15 year old sister doing - imaginatons up, please!!!)

However, once upon a time, she was an amusing little creature. She understood smiling to simply mean a facial expression in which ones bears ones teeth. We have many photos of what could either be my sister or a rabid badger. Treasured moments. Especially when she stopped gnawing on the floor.

One of my sisters more memorable quotes came when she was about two years old. Eating was an interesting time for her. She was not always the 100 pound (yeah, you heard me right - the kid's a toothpick. Damn her and her tiny butt!) Taco Bell scarfing fiend that she has grown into. As a child it took her about 36 hours to polish off a meal. Oh, the meal would be off the table in under 15 minutes - no problem. But, you see, my sister would then store the food, half-chewed, in her cheeks like a chipmunk while everyone begged her to please just swallow it so we didn't have to look at the colors seeping out of her anymore.

This, of course, would make her do nothing. Because apparently, her audio nerve was connected to her jaw muscles. We learned this one day when she was sitting in her weird-ass high chair that connected to the table. I never liked that thing. It clamped onto the table, so you didn't need a real high chair once the kid got to a certain age. But it collected food particles like nobody's business. If you wanted to see what my sister ate for the last month, unclamp the chair and look at where the clamp arms had been. And that's about as often as my mother felt the need to clean it. What a sanitary home I was raised in. It's amazing I never showed up at school with cholera.

Anyway, my sister was in her bacteria-infused clamp chair having some food. Her father then began to talk to her. With a straight face and completely serious, she looked up her dad and said, "Daddy, I can't hear you. I have ham in my mouth." What made it so funny was that she said it in a tone of voice that implied he was a complete moron for not understanding how ham affected hearing and should have known better than to speak to her at that moment.

These days she would probably just give him the finger.

If only everything worked like vodka...

2005-11-06T10:47:00.000-05:00

The best way to rid yourself of a hangover is to drink again.

BUT, the best way to get rid of a fat ass caused by overconsumption of cookies is NOT to eat more cookies.

That hardly seems fair.

I'm not a total moron!!!

2005-11-04T15:04:00.000-05:00

I found out yesterday that I passed the Massachusetts bar exam. I have nothing funny to say about it. I just wanted to share.

Since I have nothing funny to add because I am foggy from the champagne hangover I have, I will just share one of my favorite knock knock jokes, which is much more fun in person than in print. So imagine a man in a duck costume telling it to you. Not because the duck costume has any significance, but because I think it's funny to imagine a man in a duck costume, with or without the joke.

Anyway...
Knock knock.
Who's There?
The Interrupting Cow.
The interrupting co - MOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

hee hee.

EmPHAsis is imporTANT

2005-11-03T19:31:00.000-05:00

Having seen a bit of America's Next Top Model the other night, I am reminded of one of my little pet peeves. It annoys the crap out of me when people put the empasis on the wrong syllable when pronouncing words.

What sent the familiar pins down the spine was one vacant girly complaining that she really couldn't breath in "that cor-SET." Now, had I not had the ability to see that she was actually referring to a rib-crushing skinny maker favored by women in days of yore, I might think Chevy had invented a new oxygen-depravation sports car. When you how a word is pronounced and it's a pretty common knowledge type of word, it just sounds so damn wrong a different way. Especially coming out of a look-at-me-I-know-I'm-pretty face when you know countless people on that set had pronounced it correctly in front of her before she filmed her little confessional interview . Makes me want to pull her CORset strings tighter until she pukes.

My mother also has a problem with this little habit. I can think of one word in particular that she never says like a normal American. She goes out for "CHI-nese food." I remember as a kid being both excited at the possibility of some shrimp lo mein for dinner and annoyed as hell that my mother could not pronounce a simple word without sounding like a dumbass. I am aware that many Chinese people do put the emphasis on the first syllable and that's fine. It's their word (well our word describing them, but they have a pretty good claim to it) and it sounds perfectly normal coming out of their mouths. Out of the mouth of the goofy suburbanite woman who birthed me, however, it sounds like a bad impression the drunk uncle does of the waiter who just brought the fortune cookies.

Now, it may seem like I pick on my mother a lot. I do. She does a lot of things that are humorous to someone outside of our little family circle. Scary inside, but humorous outside. I wonder if this is how David Sedaris feels...Besides, mocking with humor shows you care enough to pay attention. Mocking without humor means you were probably the kid who tripped the retarded boy just to hear him yell "OOPSY DAISY!!" as he fell on his helmet-protected face. You're going to hell. I'm not. Therefore, it's okay to laugh at my mom.

Anyway, the point is, LEARN TO PRONOUNCE SIMPLE WORDS BEFORE SPEAKING!!! And you shall not incur the wrath of wraar. Today.

My mother sucks the joy out of Christmas

2005-10-28T15:26:00.000-05:00

My mother is crazy. We all know this. Not crazy in the gimme-my-stuffed-dolphin-or-i'll-poop-in-your-refrigerator sort of way, but in much more subtle ways that leave you with a dull pain in your head from trying to grasp her very special sense of logic.

One of her oh-so-interersting personality traits is the desperate and frantic need to get all her Christmas shopping done before Flag Day.

Okay, I exaggerate. But she WILL have a complete break-down if she has to go to the mall after Thanksgiving. This results in the annual pestering for Christmas lists before I've even decided what I'm going to be for Halloween. (This year I think I'm going as "Unemployed girl with a cold" - has a certain ring to it. I love Halloween costumes; we just don't have any plans this year, so why bother dressing up for the cat. However, the pure joy I get from dressing up as inanimate objects and random historical figures is a subject for a different day...)

This year, my mother has already requested lists twice from the boy and me. We have no idea what we want yet! But yet, I am forced to come up with a bunch of objects that might bring me holiday cheer in the middle of October because my mother is scared of standing in a line of more than three people at Target.

Now, I like to get my shopping done well before Christmas so I have time to wrap things pretty, but in my world that means being done by about December 20th. I have no interest in the last minute, Christmas Eve, forgot something for Aunt Gertrude, dash to the mall in the hopes to convince myself that yes, she would LOVE a giant steel barrel of unnautrally orange stale popcorn. But I do like being in the stores in December and searching for the perfect gift for my friends and family. (and then, after looking at the price-tag of said gift, finding a lovely alternative in my, um, shall we say "cozy" price range. ) There's something to be said for the warm-looking decorations and happy holiday music in the background. Even if I don't find anything that particular day, I have a nice time looking at all the neat stuff that I will buy for people once I have a grown-up income and trying to convince the boy that, yes, the kitty does need a Santa suit and her own sleigh. (You can find all sorts of fun things at Christmas-time!) I also find that the less I have to spend, the longer I like to wait because since I can't buy very much, the experience is over quickly. And that is sad. Almost sad enough to make a girl want to chug egg-nog. But nothing is quite THAT sad.

Crazy lady on the other hand prefers to shop for these warm-fuzzy holiday trinkets while the witch hats are still on the shelf and the stock-boy is just starting to unpack the cornucopias and turkey stickers.

So, this is why, on this Friday in October, I find myself writing a Christmas list and starting my shopping budget estimates a full two months before Christmas. Who wants to buy me a bicycle? And shall I put everyone down for a vat of popcorn?

Jesus does not care if you get to the pit-stop first.

2005-10-26T14:57:00.000-05:00

I hate the Weaver family. I hate them so very much.

Yes, I watch the Amazing Race. I watch a lot of television. I’m unemployed and it’s gotten cold outside. If you have a better suggestion, shoot. Today, I am working for the day at my old job. I have nothing to do. So I have decided bitching about a television show would be the most productive use of my time. Anyway, mock if you will, but I think it’s a spiffy show. It certainly trumps most other reality tv crap.

However, this season of this normally spiffy show is the “Family Edition.” Ick. Who wants to watch a version of the show full of little kids in which contestants rarely leave the US? I was less than excited about it, but decided to give it a try. Again, unemployed – what the hell else am I going to do?

Turns out the only two really young kids on the show (under 10ish) are two of my favorite contestants. They’re some of the best athletes – they run marathons with their parents in real life (and yet somehow, I STILL like the crazy little bastards) – and, more importantly, they don’t complain. In fact, the little girl seems to have the ability to spot anything in the distance and the boy is quite a funny little dude. (“She’ll be comin’ ‘round the mountain when she comes – WHEN SHE COMES!!!”)

My problem is the Jesus family. I, along with what seems to be every other contestant on the show, find them to be vile humans with absolutely no redeeming qualities. Yes, dad died in a horrible accident in the year or so before the show. I’m not a completely heartless demon – I’m sorry your daddy got run over by a race-car; I’m sure he loved you. Now shut up – no one else does.

My problem with the Weavers from Florida is they are a group of selfish Jesus-lovers who have no problem being rude and mean to others but get horribly offended when a similar lack of love is returned to them. Now, I will preface the rest of my ranting with the admission that I, myself, am not much of a Jesus person. I’m sure he was a swell dude. I just prefer to sleep and watch Best Week Ever on Sunday mornings. However, I’m all for others having a Jesus party – just don’t get mad when I don’t want to partake in the metaphorical Kool-Aid. Now, I’m also okay with some Jesus talk - I spent a semester in Kenya where REALLY missionaries accomplished their goals– Kenyans love them some Jesus.

Anyway, my point is that I do not hate the Weavers because they like Jesus. I hate them because they are incapable of talking about anything else. They ask Jesus to help them on every mission and believe that he is the reason they de-headed shrimps faster than another team. Like Jesus has nothing better to do than help a family of dumb blonds decapitate mollusks for a game show.

They are also rude. They won’t even speak to other teams, they sang for an entire 8 hour bus ride and annoyed everyone else and last night they told another teams’ boat captain to drive slower so they could get ahead. If this were all, I would be fine with it. It’s a game, be rude. Boston Rob and Amber almost won last year by scamming and lying and I thought they were great – it’s a game! But these people are rude to everyone and then surprised as hell (I’m sorry, heck) when it comes back to them. They were appalled last night when another team started in with “hey, batter batter…” as the Jesus son was attempting to hit a baseball at a challenge. The mom told the other team that “that’s mean, you should just be encouraging.” The son had to be at least 13. If a little taunt like that is going to mess him up and make him cry, I certainly hope he likes getting thrown into lockers and giving away lunch money. Grow a pair, kid!

I truly wanted to smack them when they got into a cab in Panama. They greeted the driver with “hola!” which is super. Good effort, I thought. Not so fast... They then added, “burrito!” and “conquistador!” I’m fairly certain they were not trying to begin a debate with the driver about the favorite snack food of Vasco Nuñez de Balboa, so I took it as them being assholes. I bet the driver agreed with me.

So, you see, I hate the Weaver family. Perhaps next time I will find something more cerebral to write about. Or I may contemplate the many uses of bubble wrap. I shall leave that decision until later. For now, I just hate the Weavers.

Jesus hopes you lose. And so do I.

Welcome to my world!

2005-09-19T11:07:00.000-05:00

So, I tried writing a blog a year and a half ago while I was studying in the Netherlands so I could remember all the crap I did forever. That lasted about 3 months and then I got lazy. Well, this time around, I have no exciting premise. I am recently out of law school and am hanging around, semi-unemployed, waiting to see if I passed the bar or if I have to crawl, tail between the legs, back to the scary testing people and take it again. Therefore, I have no exciting things to do to distract me, so I can write all the time. Of course, since I have no exciting things to do, I most likely have nothing to write about. So, we shall see what happens...

World of Wraar

2012

More books this year!

Honeymoon part II

Hawaii honeymoon, part 1

Trip to Kenya, part 2

Trip to Kenya, part 1

Mission Accomplished

Almost there...

One more down!

New plans!

trucking along...

More books!

More books read

New Years Resolutions

I am very lazy

Today's thought

Today's pet peeve

Today's thought

Inauguration

Aruba Part 3: Our engagement (or "One more story")

Aruba Part 2: We enjoy our vacation (or “Yay Jeep!”)

Aruba Part I: Getting There (or "Now What??!?")

Today's thought

Ever have one of those days...

Thought of the day

Things I Learned/Confirmed in Vegas Last Weekend

Who's having a good week?

The lessons of life

Finally...

I'm smart enough to make a photocopy, dammit!

Boys and Veggies

And you are?

I need to work in a different industry

Cats are weird

I better figure this out soon...

I hate dates (not the fruit; that's pretty tasty)

Important Life Lesson:

Why I haven't written in so long...

If only we knew then...

Looking for a job sucks

Today's thought

funny

Gallivanting with Grandpa

The Shower Boogie

My Redneck Jungle Gym

Knives are sharp...

The Origins of Wraar

I AM SMRT

The temporary health risks of pig

If only everything worked like vodka...

I'm not a total moron!!!

EmPHAsis is imporTANT

My mother sucks the joy out of Christmas

Jesus does not care if you get to the pit-stop first.

Welcome to my world!