Boys and Veggies

What’s up with grown men and vegetables?

My boyfriend (aka flarf) is a little boy when it comes to food. If it looks funny or feels squishy, he doesn’t want to try it. He will, showing some signs of adulthood, but will still make a face. He does not hide his disappointment in food well. Oh, he tries to be a good sport, especially if it is something that I have made for him and will quietly eat his food. Of course, I notice that he’s managed to shove every piece of bamboo shoot or bean sprout or whatever vegetable offended him to the side of the plate, as far away from the food he intends to consume as possible. I can also tell he’s just trying to be nice when he starts taking bites that an anorexic princess would consider too dainty. This is a man who has no qualms with putting an entire donut in his mouth or finishing a hot dog in two bites. So I can tell when he wishes the food would spontaneously combust or morph into sausage pizza. And I know it’s not the cooking – I may not be Bobby Flay, but I can make an edible meal. Besides, he does the same thing in restaurants; more so because the chef isn’t sitting next to him watching him make the faces.

Sure, he’ll eat some vegetables and other healthy foods. He likes green beans. He’ll eat lettuce if you turn it into salad dressing stew. And if you put enough of the right kind of sauce on it, broccoli might just get put into his mouth without an audible gag. But eggplant? Too squishy. Bean sprouts? Icky. Beans? Only if you sneak a tiny amount in with nachos. Fish? Not if it tastes like fish – gotta drown it in something. Tofu? Only if fried to a crisp and served with a dipping sauce. Water chestnuts? Thinks they might be crunchy little poison nodes. Peas? Well, no one should be eating those; they’re just plain evil. That’s one where he’s smart. He’ll eat veggies because he knows he supposed to, but he would kiss the scientist who tells him that crispy pad Thai is good for your heart and Buffalo chicken sandwiches will help you lose weight.

And he holds grudges against food. The first time he tried sushi was at a sushi buffet restaurant where I used to live in Arlington, VA. He ate one that didn’t sit well with him but wasn’t sure what it was. I can’t tell you how many months it took before he would try sushi again. I’m forgetting other specific examples of his grudges, but I’ve seen him do it plenty of times.

I should count my blessings though. From what I can tell, his two brothers are much much worse. At least flarf will TRY anything. He’ll make faces and might even spit it out, but he’ll at least let it touch his tastebuds once. Shell? Snarf’s Snarf? Comments on the other two?

I feel a little guilty making a grown man eat stuff he doesn’t want to. I often think twice before suggesting a particular type of restaurant and I feel a little bad when I decide I want mostly vegetables for dinner. Doesn’t help that I really like a lot of the foods that cause cranky face on him and that I usually do the cooking because he’s working a second job from home in the evenings right now. But, I know these foods are good for him and will keep him healthy so I can keep him a long time. Whether he likes it or not.

He’s gonna love it when he hears we’re having fish for dinner tonight.

And you are?

I have a problem. I do not remember names when being introduced to people. If I'm told about the person in advance in an email or twelve or so conversations, we've got a good chance of success. But, if I meet you at a party or some other event, I'll shake your hand and by the end of that shake and the obligatory "nice to meet you," the name is gone. Oh, I'll rember your face for years, but as far as your name, it goes a little something like this:

You: Hi, I'm Name-y Mc-Name-rson
Me: Nice to meet you. [hand shake]
And woosh, your name is gone. You are now Man in Blue Shirt for the rest of our conversation. I'd introduce you to the other person I was talking to, but I don't think she actually goes by Chick With Weird Shoes.

This is especially problematic when interviewing for a job. It's not so bad during the interview because I am not a car salesman and do not need to keep calling So-and-So by his first name as I speak to him. Maybe I should. I supposed they'd remember me, if for no other reason than I was really annoying. The problem arises when I'm home and it's time to write the thank you letter/email. It's especially bad if I talked to more than one person. Good thing more and more law firms are going online with photos of their attorneys. I've stared forever at online photos trying to make sure it was the person I actually spoke to more times than I care to admit.

I really need to work on keeping names from flying out of my ears. Not really professional to always be writing names down on a notepad so your dumbass self doesn't forget.

My life would be so much easier if everyone wore nametags all the time. Or at least the first three or four times I talk to you. Otherwise you'll be forever in my memory as Girl Who Carries a Red Purse. Which sucks because you may buy a new one. And it may be blue. Now I don't know who you are. Oh well. Maybe Old Guy Eating Cookie can tell me.