My mother sucks the joy out of Christmas

My mother is crazy. We all know this. Not crazy in the gimme-my-stuffed-dolphin-or-i'll-poop-in-your-refrigerator sort of way, but in much more subtle ways that leave you with a dull pain in your head from trying to grasp her very special sense of logic.

One of her oh-so-interersting personality traits is the desperate and frantic need to get all her Christmas shopping done before Flag Day.

Okay, I exaggerate. But she WILL have a complete break-down if she has to go to the mall after Thanksgiving. This results in the annual pestering for Christmas lists before I've even decided what I'm going to be for Halloween. (This year I think I'm going as "Unemployed girl with a cold" - has a certain ring to it. I love Halloween costumes; we just don't have any plans this year, so why bother dressing up for the cat. However, the pure joy I get from dressing up as inanimate objects and random historical figures is a subject for a different day...)

This year, my mother has already requested lists twice from the boy and me. We have no idea what we want yet! But yet, I am forced to come up with a bunch of objects that might bring me holiday cheer in the middle of October because my mother is scared of standing in a line of more than three people at Target.

Now, I like to get my shopping done well before Christmas so I have time to wrap things pretty, but in my world that means being done by about December 20th. I have no interest in the last minute, Christmas Eve, forgot something for Aunt Gertrude, dash to the mall in the hopes to convince myself that yes, she would LOVE a giant steel barrel of unnautrally orange stale popcorn. But I do like being in the stores in December and searching for the perfect gift for my friends and family. (and then, after looking at the price-tag of said gift, finding a lovely alternative in my, um, shall we say "cozy" price range. ) There's something to be said for the warm-looking decorations and happy holiday music in the background. Even if I don't find anything that particular day, I have a nice time looking at all the neat stuff that I will buy for people once I have a grown-up income and trying to convince the boy that, yes, the kitty does need a Santa suit and her own sleigh. (You can find all sorts of fun things at Christmas-time!) I also find that the less I have to spend, the longer I like to wait because since I can't buy very much, the experience is over quickly. And that is sad. Almost sad enough to make a girl want to chug egg-nog. But nothing is quite THAT sad.

Crazy lady on the other hand prefers to shop for these warm-fuzzy holiday trinkets while the witch hats are still on the shelf and the stock-boy is just starting to unpack the cornucopias and turkey stickers.

So, this is why, on this Friday in October, I find myself writing a Christmas list and starting my shopping budget estimates a full two months before Christmas. Who wants to buy me a bicycle? And shall I put everyone down for a vat of popcorn?