If only we knew then...

The other day I was cleaning and came across my old journals from my teenage years. I sat and flipped through them for a while and then stopped because I had the overwhelming urge to vomit because I couldn't go back in time and shake the teenage me until the last drop of unnecessary angst evaporated from my system.

Now, I had a pretty decent life in the grand scheme of things. My family had some major issues, more than a lot of people. But I wasn't starving, wasn't getting beaten up or stabbed on a daily basis and had plenty of friends. All in all, not so bad. However, to read these journal entries, you'd think I was a few seconds from throwing myself off a bridge. Why? Why do teenagers' brains, especially those of the female variety, become chemistry sets in the hands of a coked-out epileptic?

We all fancy ourselves tortured souls and write god-awful poetry or song lyrics. We all think the world is out to get us. We come up with what we think are brilliant verbal or visual representations of the oh-so-painful life we lead. I believe my favorite sad picture to draw was a giant eye with red cracks crying tears. And the quotes are far far more pretentious. And no, I will not share them because I do not wish to respond to the mocking. Boy do I want kick my 15-year old self in the head. Of course, 15-year-old response to my 26-year-old self would probably be akin to "YOU DON"T UNDERSTAND!!!!!" and then I would stomp off and slam my door. I was good at slamming doors. My sister is good too. I think my mom has wood chips all over the floor and a couple broken frames from my sister's exceptional ability. Oh yeah - she's 15 now. When I was really pissed I would slam the door and then put all my furniture in front of it so no one could penetrate my fortress of angst. It's all very funny in retrospect. I bet my mom would disagree, of course.

Anyone else wish they could go back and smack themselves in the face and say "SHUT UP! Get over it! And for god's sake, why the hell are you wearing that!?!?!?"