EmPHAsis is imporTANT

Having seen a bit of America's Next Top Model the other night, I am reminded of one of my little pet peeves. It annoys the crap out of me when people put the empasis on the wrong syllable when pronouncing words.

What sent the familiar pins down the spine was one vacant girly complaining that she really couldn't breath in "that cor-SET." Now, had I not had the ability to see that she was actually referring to a rib-crushing skinny maker favored by women in days of yore, I might think Chevy had invented a new oxygen-depravation sports car. When you how a word is pronounced and it's a pretty common knowledge type of word, it just sounds so damn wrong a different way. Especially coming out of a look-at-me-I-know-I'm-pretty face when you know countless people on that set had pronounced it correctly in front of her before she filmed her little confessional interview . Makes me want to pull her CORset strings tighter until she pukes.

My mother also has a problem with this little habit. I can think of one word in particular that she never says like a normal American. She goes out for "CHI-nese food." I remember as a kid being both excited at the possibility of some shrimp lo mein for dinner and annoyed as hell that my mother could not pronounce a simple word without sounding like a dumbass. I am aware that many Chinese people do put the emphasis on the first syllable and that's fine. It's their word (well our word describing them, but they have a pretty good claim to it) and it sounds perfectly normal coming out of their mouths. Out of the mouth of the goofy suburbanite woman who birthed me, however, it sounds like a bad impression the drunk uncle does of the waiter who just brought the fortune cookies.

Now, it may seem like I pick on my mother a lot. I do. She does a lot of things that are humorous to someone outside of our little family circle. Scary inside, but humorous outside. I wonder if this is how David Sedaris feels...Besides, mocking with humor shows you care enough to pay attention. Mocking without humor means you were probably the kid who tripped the retarded boy just to hear him yell "OOPSY DAISY!!" as he fell on his helmet-protected face. You're going to hell. I'm not. Therefore, it's okay to laugh at my mom.

Anyway, the point is, LEARN TO PRONOUNCE SIMPLE WORDS BEFORE SPEAKING!!! And you shall not incur the wrath of wraar. Today.